


Down Will Come

by TempestRising



Series: Omega Niall Series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha Liam, Alpha Zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anxiety, Beta Louis, Canon Compliant, Dubious Consent, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Omega Niall, Panic Attacks, Rape, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, especially niall, look everyone needs a hug okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9341774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempestRising/pseuds/TempestRising
Summary: Niall has a good life. He's in a band with his best friends. He's the unofficial matchmaker of One Direction. He's a carefree beta.So when Niall presents late, he has to keep it a secret. His life is a fantasy built on a whim, fragile as a house of cards. This secret will crush his life and take his best friends down, too. Suppressants aren't so bad. It's only for now.Right?





	1. Chapter 1

  
_When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all._  
Nursery Rhyme, c. 1765  
.***. 

Niall woke up slowly, and then all at once. Something was different. Outside the window was a noisy city (but that wasn't different, they were back in the UK for now and were spending the night and day on a 24-hour break in a hotel in the middle of London.) Inside the room was Liam (alpha) asleep on the floor, hand outstretched towards Zayn (alpha), also on the floor - no surprise there, the two had been dancing around each other since the beginning of this tour. On the other side of the room was Harry (alpha) curled in a messy bed around Louis (beta) - which was even less of a surprise, as Larry had been something of a world-wide secret since X-Factor. No differences in his band, then, all sleep-mussy and soft in the early morning light.

His phone was vibrating, which also wasn't different. Since becoming One Direction The Mega Hit Pop Band From England Look How Cute And Hot And Available They All Are his phone had been vibrating constantly. Zayn conveniently forgot his cell places and often didn't bother replacing it. Liam changed his number every other week and then accused the others of leaving him out of plans when they were three numbers behind. Niall just scrolled through his notifications until he saw a call from his mum. Well, that wasn't different either, and him not calling back wasn't anything new. Louis bemoaned Niall's relationship (or lack there of) with his mother but Niall was just fine with communicating via voicemail.

What else, then? He was hungry, always, he was a growing boy. He could pee, could deal with the morning wood (the band long over any semblance of modesty) could go workout in the gym, this hotel so exclusive he probably wouldn't even be recognized by upper-class cliental.

But who was he kidding. He wasn't Liam, slipping out of hotel rooms on a new workout regiment that got the tabloids talking. He wasn't Louis and Zayn, who'd get high and get introspective, talking about how different they all were from a year ago. Different was a word that was used enough. Different was almost normal.

He was Niall. He got up to put on the coffee. And left a damp spot on the rented bed.

He was Niall Horan, one of the two betas of One Direction. Beta being the default human setting. Beta being what fifty percent of all people were, neither alpha nor omega. Even-keeled and even-tempered and mischievous and flirty and a billion other things, betas were never wet.

He was only just nineteen. It was possible...rare, but possible.

Niall flew out of the room.

He trusted his bandmates implicitly, of course, they were more brothers than his own brother, he trusted them when he was drunk and when he was sad and when he was angry, but he'd heard stories, stories that when an omega (oh, god, he was an omega) that when an omega first presented the alphas around him (or her), friends or not, mated or not, couldn't help themselves.

He tore the sheets off the bed and ran.

Niall ended up shaking in the hallway outside the hotel room barefoot in sleep pants and a tank top, omega-slick sheets wrapped around his torso. Thank god, phone in hand.

He stared at it, and realized he had no one to call.

"Hey," he imagined saying to whoever was on the end of the line, "yes, this is Niall Horan world famous member of One Direction. Also, this is Niall Horan, omega."

Omega.

He scrabbled on the floor as the phone slipped out of his hand, hadn't even known he was crying until something wet dripped onto the now-cracked screen. "Fuck," he whispered. "Oh god, oh fuck."

He was crouching on the hard tiled floor and then slowly, slowly, dipped, dipped, dipped until he was sitting on his ass outside the hotel room.

His life was over.

Everything would change because he woke up like this, wet and greedy. He put a hand to his stomach. Could a baby really fit inside of him? _A baby_. He was a teenaged boy bander. Girls had pictures of him on their walls. He was locked into a contract that included multiple tours and multiple albums and millions - maybe billions - of dollars at stake, and he was sitting on his ass outside a hotel room while his best friends slept. He had nowhere to go.

For a wild moment, he wanted to call his mother, the tiny woman who'd dutifully raised him. She used to sing him lullabies. She was the one who spoke Irish Gaelic so fluently she had been called upon to teach his grade school classes. Even now when Harry mumbled the few phrases Niall had taught him the words sounded like home.

But she was hours and an island away. His childhood friends, the lads who he bought pints for when he went home, were all at university or taking a gap year doing important work experience things. Law and business and finance. And Niall was still here on his increasingly cold ass in a hotel room, vibrating with the need for an alpha.

Some pit inside him could smell or feel or remember the three fit unmated alphas just behind the door, but if his life was over now it would be doubly over by exposing himself to his bandmates like this, wanton and needy and omega.

There were London friends, the beautiful famous people who ran in the circles One Direction ran in, who went to the same parties and laughed on the same balconies over the same drinks, young and pretty betas and alphas who would know a scandal when they heard one.

And now his thoughts were running in circles. Call his mother (he could imagine her voice, his father's voice, "an omega for a son?" scandalized and disgusted. "Son?" his mother would say, "Are you even a man anymore if you can carry pups?) Or call his London friends (itching for another piece of gossip to tell in hushed whispers) Or push open the door he was leaning against and tell his best friends (and then his life was really over).

So Niall did what any teenage boy in the 21st century would do. He Googled for an answer.

 **Omega**... he typed, and the search results were instant

**Omega suffrage**

**Omega anatomy**

**Omega suppresents**

**Omega help in London**

He clicked on the last one. And read.

He'd seen the omega clinics before, of course, constantly under siege from various political parties for providing omega care by way of information, heat help, condoms, abortions, legal advice. "There but for the grace of God," Harry had muttered to Niall as they passed one, relatively recently, and saw the hunched omegas lined up outside. All male. Female omegas were prizes and male omegas were hated. Female omegas were the pride of their families and male omegas were often kicked out the day they presented, turning to drugs or prostitution or throwing themselves off bridges.

(Niall had been surprised when Harry said that, Harry, who'd admitted all those months ago in the bungalow that he suspected he was an omega, that he wanted about a billion kids, that he dreamed of carrying pups and - most surprisingly - that his mother wanted him to be an omega, too).

His ass was getting astonishingly wet, and there was something else, a pain on his pelvis, in his pelvis, like being punched in the gut. He called the number.

At the time, he didn't think there was anything else that could be done.

.***.

In brief:

A van pulled up to the hotel and Niall hurried in, moving quickly across the hall but keeping his head up, he'd realized long ago that if you act confident no one assumes anything is wrong. He got into the van and met a nice woman named Jamie who said that she was a beta and she volunteered at the Omega Clinic of London and oh, by the way, are you by any chance Niall Horan? Don't worry, patient information is utterly private. Have you had a heat before? Are you in any pain? Will you be wanting to see an alpha (totally clean, no strings attached, no payment, of course, this isn't a brothel, the alphas are also volunteers, knots being the only things that can stop a heat, it will take about twenty-four hours).

No alpha? Are you looking for suppressants then? Here's a list of side effect. Mood swings. Decreased appetite. Decreased energy. Suicidal thoughts or actions. Depression. Weight gain. You must not use these for more than six months, Niall Horan. They are emergency use only.

Suppressants? Are you sure? You'll need to see a doctor. Once they prescribe suppressants you will need to take them every day. No skipping. This heat will be over in no more than three hours. It will be painful.

Is there someone we can call?

Would you like to talk to someone? There are some excellent people on-site. It can be scary, what you're going through. How old are you? Late presentations are often hard to handle.

You're not a minor, so, no, we don't have to call your parents.

Are you afraid to go home? Are you afraid to go to your place of work?

Do you plan to tell anybody of your presentation? Of course it's not required, but it is recommended. The truth will set you free. The truth will out. Yes, Mr. Horan, we are confidential, but people have their ways. You would be the most famous omega in the world.

Here are your suppressants. You can wait in that room for your heat to die.

.***.

Niall felt like there was a storm in his abdomen a hundred times worse than any work out. He put his head between his knees and told himself yes, this was actually happening. He was Niall Horan, omega. He was on suppressants in a clinic in the middle of London where anyone could see him.

His phone vibrated again. Liam had sent the first message, then Harry, then Louis. This one was from Zayn. **Babes, rehearsal starts in fifteen.**

"Niall?"

He smelled him first. Fresh, clean scents. Mint and fresh mown lawns. Niall had never smelled anyone so strongly before. He rubbed his nose. Wondered if he could pretend to be anyone else. Wondered why the world hadn't swallowed him into the cool dark abyss yet.

Niall pocketed the phone. Put on his very best face. "'Lo, Ed."

Ed Sheeran, all red hair and concerned eyes, sat down across from him. "Didn't except to see you here."

"Same to you." Ed was a beta through and through. A couple years older than Niall, Louis's age, Ed's gender was as fixed as the trajectory of the moon.

"My friend volunteers. I think he just likes getting laid. I don't like picking him up because of random encounters like these." Ed looked down. It wasn't his fault. It was Niall's fault. He was holding his phone in one hand and clutching the packets of pills in a death-grip in the other.

"Fuck," Ed whispered.

"Yeah," Niall said. "You said it."

Ed hustled Niall into his car ( _what about your friend? Screw him, he's screwing everyone else_ ) and in the closed-in space the mint was even stronger, coming from the seats and windows and Ed. "Christ, Ni, you should know better than going to a public clinic. What if someone saw you? Some alpha? Anything could have happened to you! Even I can smell that heat!"

"I didn't know," Niall moaned. "It's - it just happened this morning, okay? I panicked!"

"What?" Ed practically squawked. "You mean you just presented this morning?" His eyes so wide that Niall had to look down, submitting to a beta. "And you're already on suppressants? That shit's dangerous! My cousin killed himself, and he was only on them for three weeks!"

"What the hell else am I supposed to do?" Niall snapped. "I don't exactly have an alpha, and, yeah, not like I can hire one. Be all over the _Sun_ tomorrow. _Niall Horan's an omega_ , and I'm out of One Direction by Sunday."

"I can think of three alphas who'd be more than willing you help you out."

"Shut up," Niall felt his ears burn. Why the fuck had he ever told Ed that he fancied his bandmates? (there might have been tequila involved).

Ed frowned. "You gonna answer that phone?"

Liam was ringing him now. Great. "What if -"

"They won't be able to tell by your voice. Say you're sick. Say that you're crashing with me so you don't give them the plague. And you'll see them in the morning."

Niall told Liam just that, and the alpha shouted, "you were sick and you just snuck out?"

"I hardly snuck out," Niall said, even though, yeah, he'd basically snuck out, "I tripped over your big head on the way out, didn't I?"

"You need some chicken soup?" that was Louis, sounding tinny and far away over the speaker, and even though they'd been together non-stop for months on end Niall found himself missing them, missing the way the band fit together like missing pieces.

"See you tomorrow," Niall's voice already choking. He hung up before he sobbed.

Ed was driving. Ed couldn't comfort him. Ed said, "Oh, sweetheart, it's the hormones."

No one had called him sweetheart before today. Maybe it came with the omega territory. Maybe he was a sweetheart now.

That thought made Niall cry more. He couldn't help it. He couldn't help anything anymore.

This wasn't just the end of Niall Horan, member of One Direction. This stupid, uncontrollable, biological thing was going to make the carefully built dream crash down on their heads. He'd kill his best friends' careers before they even started.

And there was nothing he could do about it.


	2. Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ed confronts Niall and the new omega makes a plan.

  
_“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”_  
Elbert Hubbard  
.***.

Ed's apartment was beautiful and quiet, an elevator going directly from where they parked up to the apartment. "Stay away from the windows," Ed said with the same quiet authority Louis had sometimes, like two years made him an old man that could boss everyone around. "Last thing I need is paps catching me preying on teenage boys."

"Oh, right," Niall hung back in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around his stomach which had started to hurt worse, pain creeping up his spine, "of course. Sorry."

Ed rubbed his forehead. "Just," he pushed a chair towards Niall, picked up a couple of guitars from a large pretty collection in the living room, and sat across from him, on the tile of the kitchen, knees so close they could knock together.

No one in One Direction really understood how safe Niall felt with a guitar in his hand. He didn't feel understood when he sang, all too aware that the boys he shared the stage with were bigger and bolder and better than him, but he felt understood on the strings, like this was a language he knew well. "Thank you," he said, touching the strings and hitting a G just for the happy sound of it.

"If the pain gets too bad, I'll get some heat pads. Showers help, too, but aspirin is a blood thinner." Ed played, too, and somehow they were a duet, intertwining like they'd practiced. "Tylenol's okay. Anything with acetaminophen should be fine."

The words lapped against Niall like waves that never broke the surface. "How do you know all this?"

"Some of us actually paid attention in our gender awareness classes."

"Oh," Niall hadn't thought those useful, always assuming he'd be a beta like his parents, like most everyone he knew. So he'd flirted through gender awareness and often skived off to go swimming in the pond down the street.

"Crash course, then." Ed started playing _Little Things_ and Niall followed along. "Heats are your body asking for an alpha."

"I know that, Ed, I've watched bloody telly."

But the older boy continued, resolutely, "you won't get pregnant unless you're in heat and an alpha's in a rut and neither of you use protection."

"Christ," this wasn't exactly a conversation he'd ever thought he'd have with a friend.

"A beta won't do anything, but they can help relieve the pain." Ed's eyes caught his and Niall's hand slipped.

"No!" he stood up, the chair skittering backwards across the floor, and his hip bumped the counter. "Fuck, no, I don't need that from you. I don't want -"

"It's okay," Niall was forever grateful that the redhead didn't touch him, just sat in his chair with this expression on his face like Niall was precious and breakable. "It was just a suggestion. I don't like seeing you in pain. I thought you should know that I could help, but I don't have to - I don't want to - I wouldn't. Unless you were sure."

Niall clutched his arms at the elbows, chest heaving. His hip would bruise. He was pressed against Ed's gorgeous kitchen and looked a hot mess, he knew. It wasn't the first time he'd been propositioned, of course, not even the first time from Ed, as betas liked to stick with betas, low-maintenance, nice and easy. But it was the first time in had happened when Niall was like this, vulnerable, and overnight somehow, by that quirk of biology, overnight he knew he had gotten weak in the way omegas were always weak, and he knew that betas but especially alphas were strong. He knew that Ed didn't have to take no for an answer.

His friend's gentle face broke and Niall realized he'd said all of that out loud. "I wouldn't," his voice cracked.

"I know," Niall said, because of course Ed wouldn't. "But you could. Anyone could."

He dipped his head. Niall was forever grateful that Ed stood then, and Niall could put his head in the shirt that smelled like beta and a simpler life.

"Are you worried," Ed said, after a long, long pause where he just held Niall and pet his hair and Niall realized that he was hungry and hurting and he just wanted to sit down. Ed spoke carefully, "that the boys...is that why you don't want..."

"What? No!" Niall pulled away, because, _no_. Maybe at the time he'd thought it, but even if he'd stayed in that room and someone had woken up, some alpha who smelled him, Louis was there. Louis loved him, and was still a strong beta, and would have helped him. "But if they knew then other people would know, and -" he hoped he didn't have to say anything else. Ed knew what it was like for omegas in their line of business.

"Would it really be so bad? The world already loves you, Niall."

"If it was just me..." if it was just Niall, then he maybe wouldn't mind being pigeonholed as another Omega Singer From The Emerald Isles and he'd publicly be in favor of omega right and he'd join activists who campaigned against omega slaughter in developing countries. "But it's not. Omegas and bands don't exactly mix."

The few times omegas had tried to be in bands they were either kidnapped or doomed the band to in-fighting and exhaustion. Because omegas had to have a mate. Had to. And if there was an alpha in the band, or, god forbid, more than one alpha, then the omega had to be claimed.

"'S not like there aren't rumors already."

Yeah, but they could blacklist questions about shipping and Larry and they could smile and everyone could assume it was all in good fun. With an omega thrown into the mix there'd be no end to the questions. "I don't have an alpha," Niall said, "not even close."

"I feel like," Ed said slowly, picking up the guitars (Niall cringed when he remembered how he'd thrown the lovely wood across the room) "all of these problems could be solved if you just told them how you feel. Then they could help you, and you'd have an alpha, and you'd be able to be One Direction and you wouldn't have to take suppressants."

Niall glared. "Dunno if you've ever tried to tell your best friends that you're in love with them, Ed, but it's a bit more catastrophic than you're making out."

"Look who swallowed a dictionary," Ed teased, and Niall glared at him, massaging his stomach absent-mindedly.

"They're happy," Niall moaned plaintively. He'd been happy teasing Louis and Harry, assuring each that the other was, indeed, in love, and he'd been happy at their happiness. Liam and Zayn was a newer development, and more precarious, the two still attempting to keep themselves apart because of the old tradition of alphas unable to mate with alphas. But they'd get together soon, and Niall was prodding them together, and if he was hurt when they curled together at night then he was really the worst friend in the world. "They don't need me. They definitely don't need omega me."

"Oh my god," Ed said in a tone that was so exasperated they could have been talking about anything, small things. "The lack of communication in kids these days will be the death of me."

Niall glared at him, wishing for the millionth time that he was older and bigger and could handle anything. "You can't tell them. I can deal with this."

"How? By taking suppressants and pretending you're still a beta?" Ed advanced on Niall, grabbed his shoulders. "My cousin died, Niall. He killed himself and his brother found him hanging in his closet and - Fuck, I can't just stand here and let you -"

"Ed," Niall said in as steady a voice as he could manage, "you're hurting me."

The fingers that had been digging into his upper arms, the body that had been pressing him against the cold counter, everything was gone, and Ed Sheeran was on the other side of the room. They both panted and stared at each other. "You've got a month," Ed said, finally. "I'll help you, okay? I'll help you come out. I'll make sure nothing bad happens. But you've got a month to tell them, Niall. You can't skip two heats. I won't let you."

"Or what?" Niall tested.

"Or I'll tell them. You know how easy it is to start a rumor, Ni," Ed's smile was large and almost cruel and Niall looked away. 

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Ed's face twisted and he walked over to a wall and pressed a button and large dark curtains covered the large lovely windows and the whole room felt cozy and close, like when Zayn would pull the covers off the beds and set up chairs and they'd all cuddle close in the dark where it felt like nothing outside could hurt them.

The lights came on, soft and yellow, and Niall watched Ed turn on a television, put in a DVD. "I'm not doing anything to you, Niall. One day maybe you'll be able to realize - I love you too much to let you live like this. This is for your own good."

Niall eventually got off the counter and let Ed pile blankets on top of him and give him water and fruit juice and toast and soup, and he pretended to watch _Star Wars_ but mostly just concentrated on not screaming as the wetness inside him flared and faded. 

He and Ed didn't talk much after that. Niall was afraid he'd say what he was thinking, that his whole life now was going to be betas and alphas making decisions for him. He'd seen it everywhere they went. Their audience was mostly female omegas. Sometimes you couldn't tell, in the UK or US or the rest of Europe, who was omega and who was beta or alpha, but in other countries? Omegas had to wear leashes, or collars, or cover themselves, or weren't allowed to go out in public for a week before and after their heats, closed in for half a month, for half the year. Omegas were killed for "making" alphas rape them. Famous omegas were kidnapped. Sold. Killed. 

He'd never wanted this, but he knew Ed wasn't lying. He'd tank his own career before he let Niall stay on suppressants for too long. 

Niall watched Luke hug Han. In a galaxy far, far away there were no alphas or betas or omegas, there were just people, just men and women. 

He glanced at Ed, asleep in the chair next to him, curled up with his face pointed away from the screen, towards Niall. 

These pills, these damn suppressants, worked pretty quick. By the end of the movie Niall felt better, felt like he did yesterday. Totally normal. 

And he had a plan. He couldn't ruin his friends' happiness, he couldn't ruin their careers, he couldn't ruin Ed's career, and he certainly couldn't allow himself to come out. Being an omega was a death sentence. 

So he had one month. He'd go to rehearsal. He'd sit in interviews. He'd make sure Liam told Zayn he loved him. He'd make sure Louis and Harry were good and golden. He'd soak in the lights onstage. And then in twenty-seven days he'd kill himself.


	3. Pros and Cons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall spends the night with the boys and realizes his resolution interferes with the crushes he's fostering.

  
_"When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves."_  
Sigmund Freud  
.***.

  
Niall felt calm after he made his decision. Twenty-seven days was such a concrete number, a good number. He could get the important stuff done in twenty-seven days. "I'm gonna hop in the shower," he half asked, half told Ed, who nodded and stared at the Star Wars credits listing people who were perhaps long dead.

Liam had texted him to say that they'd left the hotel - an oasis they'd acquired spur-of-the-moment after a long rehearsal yesterday - and were heading to Louis and Harry's apartment. Their complex was within walking distance but Niall had no interest in being recognized, being mobbed, and Ed wanted to see him safely out. "I'm not telling them today," Niall warned, and the older man looked crestfallen.

Once in the car, Ed probed the edges of Niall's silence. "Are you sticking around London?"

"For now. We finish up rehearsals day after tomorrow and then the UK tour." They were actually ending in Ireland in three weeks, heading on to Europe via France in thirty-five days. Niall sucked in a breath at the thought that he'd never see Paris again.

"You know," Ed said as they inched towards home, "if you want some help telling them, I'll be there. Wherever you are."

Niall offered him a smile. It wasn't forced. Ed had been kinder to him than he deserved. Niall hoped the singer would never find out that Niall made the plan to kill himself under his blankets, under his roof. "You have quite the schedule yourself."

"Wherever you are," Ed repeated stoutly.

Niall gave him a fierce hug, a kiss to the corner of his cheek. "Thank you. For everything."

"I don't feel like I've helped much," Ed admitted, but he let Niall go.

Predictably, no one had cooked. "Damn, I thought you were the pizza," Louis bemoaned as he grinned and opened the door a crack. "It's just dumb ol' Niall," Louis said loudly, for the benefit of the others.

"I can go get some pizza if that'll make you like me better, Tommo." When the older boy didn't move, Niall sighed. "Are you gonna let me in or not?"

"Let him in," Liam appeared over Louis's shoulder, already rolling his eyes. "Poor boy's been sick. I ordered soup for you, Nialler."

"My hero," Niall smiled at Liam, who smiled back and _wow_ sometimes Niall remembered why it was called a crush. He felt floored by the weight of that smile. He cleared his throat. "How was rehearsal?"

"If you could call it that," Zayn snorted. He also smiled at Niall from where he sat on the sofa. This isn't about you, Niall reminded himself.

"Louis might have derailed it early," Harry added, eyes dancing.

"It was for Niall!" Louis shut the door and opening the fridge. "That way he didn't miss anything. Beer, Irish?"

He hadn't looked very closely at the suppressants but he bet it said something about not mixing with alcohol. "No thanks."

Louis put a hand to his heart and pretended to stagger. "Niall's saying no to drinking?"

"Lay off, Tommo, he shouldn't drink if he's sick." Liam put a hand on Niall's shoulder and steered him towards the two on the couch. "And it's about to start."

"What's about to start?"

Everyone looked at him strangely. "Do you have a fever?" Zayn asked, seriously.

"New X-Factor," Harry reminded him. "We're actually off so we said we'd watch it together because Zayn has a crush on that girl."

"No I don't!" Zayn protested, but looked up as soon as Louis found the right channel.

Twenty-seven days, Niall reminded himself when he saw Liam frown as he watched Zayn watch the screen. Surely he could get those two together in that time? He settled next to Harry, who threw an arm around his shoulders snd pulled him in close. "You smell nice."

Niall froze. Suppressants were supposed to get rid of the omega stench, but if Ed could smell him then surely Harry could. "Oh yeah?"

"You smell like Ed. Minty."

"Now I know why you skived off rehearsal, you dog." Louis swatted Niall from the other side of Harry and Liam shushed him, throwing an empty bottle. "You've been off strumming with Ed Sheeran!"

"But you also smell like sugar," Harry continued, nosing his head into Niall's hair. "'S nice."

"Don't I always smell like sugar?"

"Not like this."

Niall realized that he could smell them, too, Louis a pleasant tea-like scent, Harry like flowers, Liam - wow - Liam like pine, like a whole forest wrapped up in his clothes and hair. Zayn smelled like sandalwood, like his mother's house, all samosas and musk.

Louis just rolled his eyes. Scenting was an alpha/omega thing. Nobody really knew what the smells meant or where they came from, but too many couples or packs had complimentary scents for it to be a coincidental accident.

Still, he was playing the part of beta, so even though he knew the answer he asked. "What does Louis smell like?"

Harry - Niall didn't have to worry about these two, not with the way Harry's eyes went soft and distant at any mention of Louis. "Sugar and spice and everything nice."

"He smells like tea," Liam and Zayn said together, and gave each other high fives, all the while staring at the television.

Liam did turn around, though, and squint at Niall. "You do smell extra nice today, Ni."

"You guys look like you're about to ravish him," Louis commented, pulling Niall over Harry and into his lap. They all treated Niall like a teddy bear. "He's my beta, remember."

"Yeah, beta bros!" Niall stuck his tongue out at the alphas and Louis kissed his hair.

Louis and Niall had a special bond (or at least Niall liked to think so). Liam and Zayn both presented as alphas before X-Factor, but after Harry presented halfway through the live shows Louis must have figured Niall was beta for life. They became a unit in interviews, answering any gender-related questions, laughing every time an interviewer asked them if the alphas ever fought over them, laughing so hard tears rolled down their cheeks. Louis and Niall never slept together but, Niall thought, they'd both made it clear they wouldn't mind it. All the boys flirted constantly, unconsciously, Niall thought, so it had alway been easy to placate his crush with hugs and kisses and cuddles and dirty jokes.

"My Louis," Harry complained, and Niall squirmed until he was the one under Louis, until he was placing Louis, carefully, on Harry's lap. If this month was about getting Liam and Zayn to fall in love, then for Harry and Louis it had to be something bigger. A proposal. A wedding in the Scottish Highlands. With Louis, anything was fair game.

Harry teased Zayn about his fascination with that girl on the X-Factor, and Louis and Liam argued about who had to get the pizza ("it's your apartment!" "but you're closer!" "by two feet!" "so you admit it!"). Niall just tucked himself into the corner of the couch and wondered how everything could appear so normal. A small part of him was...upset. Somehow, he thought that the moment he walked through the door they'd all guess by the way his hair was parted that he was an omega. He didn't want that (omegas ruin everything) but he was still disappointed in them for not knowing everything.

Liam ended up getting the pizza and Zayn, who hadn't looked away from the screen since X-Factor came on, watched the way Liam's hips moved in those new tight trousers. Niall wanted to say, "kiss him, you fool!" but ended up just leaning forward, murmuring in Zayn's ear, "do you see what I see?"

The look Zayn gave him then would floor a dozen fans. Floored Niall. All lust and crush and wanting and love, love, love.

"Where you going, Ni? Pizza's here!"

"I just - "Niall felt wet, one look and he was done, they'll know, they'll know. "Bathroom."

Louis shrugged, biting the end of the pizza that hung out of Harry's mouth like fucking Lady and the Tramp. _Proposal or it doesn't count,_ Niall thought. "Hurry back."

Niall was going to blame it on the pills, the hormones, being a stupid dumb whiny omega, but he sat on the lid of the toilet and stared at the picture of Louis and Harry, heads thrown back at their first music video, laughing at a joke long past, and cried as quietly as he could.

.***.

"We should have a sleepover!"

"Haz, our apartments are literally down the hall."

"And we got a hotel two blocks away last night!"

"Zayn's already asleep. Liam, go keep him warm."

"With your body."

"Lou..."

"He's doing it, isn't he? Fuck, Payno, your face looks like a tomato."

"Niall, where are you -"

"I - don't want to get you guys sick."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine! Just tired. Hate being sick. Night, lads."

.***.

That night, Niall made a mistake.

He couldn't sleep and thought for a wild minute about calling Ed, but he'd intruded on the other man's life enough and, anyway, Ed was going to tell him that his life would be fine and worthwhile if he just told his best friends that he loved them, loved every part of them, and, no.

Niall was allowed into their lives, allowed to see their cares and concerns, and he wasn't going to ruin that by making a pass that they obviously didn't want. They'd hate him. Or, worse, they'd be overly kind and polite in turning him down and everything would be awkward.

 _Or they could love you back a voice_ that sounded suspiciously like Ed's whispered in the back of his mind.

But even if by some miracle they all loved him, beta Niall, there was no way he'd ruin what they had by saying that he loved them and oh, by the way, he was a stinking omega.

But it was too much, too fast. So he made a mistake. He made a list.

**Pros:**

_Could love me back_

_Or maybe just tolerate me?_

_Wouldn't need suppressants_

**Cons:**

_Would hate me and I'd have to leave_

_Would be awkward and I'd have to leave_

_If I leave where will I go?_

_Omegas get kidnapped_

_Leashes_

_Auctions_

Niall glared at the two completely unequal lists and felt his whole being sink. Obviously there were so many more risks to telling them he was an omega, he'd already known that. Below it, though, he wrote something he hadn't let himself admit.

_I don't want to die._

He stared at the words, the too too honest words, then ripped the letter once, twice, and kicked the pieces into the trash.

As he got ready for bed, Niall realized caught sight of the alarm clock. 1:34 am. Twenty-six days left.


	4. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall visits some friends and hears the the hard truth.

  
_“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”_  
James Patterson  
.***. 

Rehearsals went about as well as expected.

They had two days of rehearsals, two days of promo, and then on to the UK/Ireland tour. Niall didn't know how he'd keep his suppressants secret when they were living on top of each other in a bus. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Now he just downed his pill and attempted to eat breakfast.

"Nialler I am taking that food from you if you don't eat it," Louis warned, finished with his meal and eyeing the table. Niall slid it across to him.

"Woah," Harry muttered. Niall had been known to fight tooth and nail over food.

"You are sick," Liam said as Louis started in on Niall's oatmeal. "But you really should try to eat something. Some juice, there's a lad. You know what me mum always did when me and my sisters were sick? She'd give us buttered toast covered in sugar." Liam carefully spread the sugar around every inch of a piece of wheat toast, his eyelashes long, dipping across the top of his cheekbones. "She called it fairy bread."

"I'm not kidding, Liam, my mum did the exact same thing," Louis said through a mouthful of oatmeal and strawberries.

"Mine, too," Zayn drawled, "but, like, it wasn't fairy bread. It was just, you know, toast and sugar."

It was always so interesting to find out these things, that they'd grown up watching the same programs and eating the same food and going to the same concerts - Niall and Liam had been in the same arena on the same day a year before they met. Every time they looked through their collective pictures, pulled together for the after-X-Factor book, they kept finding clues like foreshadowing throughout their childhoods. The same pajamas on Niall and Harry. The same toy car for Louis and Liam. The same carpet and cars and school teachers' names. So many coincidences it had to be fate.

Niall watched Harry steal Louis's blueberries while giving the older boy his strawberries and thought that maybe it was fate; Louis and Harry, at least, were everything soulmates should be, constantly molding around each other, leaving room for the other person to fit. And Liam, "I always wanted a little brother," he'd said all those months ago at the bungalow, Niall sitting by his elbow as they watched the other three use sticks as lightsabers.

Because Liam looked so earnest, Niall nibbled on the toast and drank a lot of water and two cups of coffee and his stomach kept rolling.

"Harry," he said quietly when they were standing in the practice space, trying not to laugh as Zayn and Liam talked their choreographer down from actual routines to suggestions. "Do you think everything's different for you now that you presented?"

The youngest bit his bottom lip and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Especially since, you know, I always thought I'd be an omega. But it's...whatever. Just more things other people expect from you." Niall wondered if Harry knew that he smiled whenever he looked at Louis. "Mum keeps saying that gender doesn't really matter, in this day and age."

"Do you think it matters for them?" Niall asked, nodding in the direction of Zayn and Liam.

Harry grinned. "Fancy a bit of matchmaking, Nialler?"

"Well, I got you two idiots together, figure could do the same there."

"You did at that," Harry watched Liam and Zayn making up their own dance moves with that gentle smile they all reserved just for each other. "Dunno, though. Alpha couples..."

"That's what I was thinking." Betas belonged in pairs, everyone said, but two alphas and two omegas never went well outside of packs. People tried, of course, but alphas needed an omega or beta or else ended up smothering each other, protective, jealous instincts overwhelming whatever connection had tied them together in the first place.

"They could try," Harry said dubiously. "Like, before I was an alpha I'd say just go for it, but I don't know with those two. Can't really see one submitting to the other."

"Not all relationships have to be about submission."

Harry cocked an eyebrow, waving a hand to acknowledge the choreographer who wanted them all to try this next move. "With alphas that's what it's about. Dunno if betas can understand it. How jealous we get. Lou's been trying to reign me in. Says I'm a right prick when I'll alpha."

"You're a right prick anyway," they had to stop talking, they were being summoned, back to whatever this was, work or play or a fantasy come to life.

"Cheers, really." Harry shrugged. "Maybe if we found them an omega..."

Niall flushed and hoped Harry wouldn't notice. Like it was that easy to introduce a whole new person to a couple that would already be perfect except for biology keeping them apart. "You really want an omega in this life?"

"No, I know. But I don't know what else we could do. They're going to get together eventually, and they'll break up, you know they will and -"

"Will you girls pay attention?" Louis snapped. Despite what everyone said about the eldest being the mischievous one, Louis did take the music seriously.

Harry offered Niall a smile and, like a magnet pulled inexorably North, attached himself to Louis, who put an arm around his waist. Niall wondered again what those two had been like before this, before X-Factor and the bungalow and bunk beds and a secret language, wondered if they'd just been on standby, never truly awake before they met each other.

Because that's how he felt, whenever he looked at the four of them, whenever he was on stage with his guitar and the fans and lights bright like stars. Like everything that came before was small and insignificant in comparison to them, to One Direction, and if he had to go through this ordeal to spend another twenty-six days here, then he'd take what he could get.

.***.

They spent media day with James Corden.

Liam and Zayn had begged off the show and they all were already so used to covering for each other that it was easy to make it seem like there was a good reason and not because Liam's mum and Zayn's mum had come to London and they were taking them out for dinner (there was no end to the ribbing from Louis, who had thrown himself whole-heartedly into Operation Make Liam And Zayn Sleep Together Before The End Of The UK Tour). But they arrived at the studio as a fivesome and thanked James for inviting them to his wedding.

"If I could convince the missus to make Niall our flower girl, I would," James said, eyes dancing as he hugged all of them hello. They were so used to being touched now that Niall barely noticed it, was happy, in fact, to be in the omega's big embrace. James defied all stereotypes, an extroverted omega who was totally confident in who he was, a comedian who made everyone laugh and forget about the fact that no omega had ever taken the top billing in the plays, films, and television shows he starred in. He broke barriers and acted as if nothing was strange about it at all.

"He looks good in a skirt, too," Zayn said, winking at Niall, "trust me."

Niall rolled his eyes as James laughed and laughed. "No skirts required for the wedding, boys, I'm just glad you'll be there."

"I'll make sure they're all sharp," Liam assured the older man.

James patted him on the shoulder. "I see who's Alpha in this pack."

"We just let him think that so he shuts up," Louis said, punching Liam in the shoulder in that way that always started a slap fight between the two. "But we all know betas run the world, right Ni?"

"Oh. Yeah." Niall couldn't look at James. Couldn't look at anyone. Just let himself be swung around in Louis's embrace.

Much later, after Louis and Harry holed up in the dressing room to do whatever Louis and Harry did (Niall knew, couldn't not know, the two fervent and loud and tender, and Niall knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, he always felt insignificant and unloved after hearing them, but sometimes he couldn't help it) Niall wandered around backstage with James.

"Surely this isn't still interesting to you," James said with a smile, "you were born on television."

It was almost literally true. Niall certainly didn't feel as though he was all the way alive until X-Factor. "It is interesting," Niall said, as earnestly as he could. "Besides, you've poached some X-Factor cameramen. I spotted Gary back here last time."

"Just when I think you boys can't get more adorable," James sighed, picking up a legal pad and touching up a few jokes. "I want to put you all in my pocket."

Niall laughed, because it was his default, because when he didn't know what else to do he laughed, "I'd like to see you pick up Liam. He's getting ripped."

"I can take a baby alpha," James said dismissively. "Though - on that note, Niall, I did want to tell you something." He closed the door of his office and looked serious for the firs time that day. "Liam does have that look. Zayn, too. If you're looking to become a pack without an omega - boy bands have split up over less."

Ah, yes, the boy band curse. Everyone had talked about it when Harry presented. Because boy bands tended to be made up of...well, boys...there was usually a period of presentation. The Backstreet Boys, everyone had knew, had ended up with two betas and three alphas and had dissolved because of it. Alphas needed a mate, and usually turned to those close to them, and if they got rejected, or someone broke off from the group, or someone cheated, or the betas couldn't take the overpowering alphas, or there were no omegas, any number of things...

Bottom line was that boy bands tended to evolve into relationships. And tended to break up because of it.

"When Harry presented...I mean, do you boys have a plan for this?" James waved a hand when Niall bit his lip, "entirely off the record of course, you know I don't like to ask about gender on the show, but - I do think you all can go the distance on this thing. But you can't beat biology. The alphas -"

"Harry's hardly an alpha," Niall said, and then bit his tongue because four words was already too much.

James looked like he was try hard not to smile. "I'd always assumed, but..."

Niall blushed furiously. "I mean - it's not like any of us wants kids _now_ , that could hold off for a couple of years."

"Not with the way Liam and Zayn were playing footsie out there," James shook his head, "I don't want to embarrass you, Niall. Think of it as - well, hopefully not fatherly advice. Maybe an older brother."

"Nearly twins," Niall interjected hoarsely, and that did make James smile.

"The magic bullet to boy bands working out? The perfect formula? Is some combination of alphas or betas and one omega." Niall knew that, Simon Cowell had told them, back when everyone assumed Harry would be omega. "If the band doesn't have an omega, they need to get one."

"Our bassist's omega," Niall said. "But Sandy's in a relationship and thinks we're all his annoying little brothers." He huffed. "Like someone else I know."

"The omega needs to be brave," James continued, "because this business isn't kind to omegas. You need to fight tooth and nail, and you better have good security."

Niall looked down at his hands, twisting in his lap. He felt like James had seen through him to a part of Niall that he wasn't sure existed, that part that Ed had seen, the brave brash omega who could tell his best friends he was in love and take the flak and the death threats. He didn't think he was that person. Crowds scared him. Elevators scared him. Being an omega _scared_ him, down to his bones.

"Niall," James said, his voice so quiet, "if -"

"No," the Irish boy said, standing up so fast the chair flew out from under him. "I - I need to go find Harry."

"It's all right," James said as Niall opened the door. "It's going to be all right."

Perhaps it would be, if it was any of the others. His band mates, his friends, were all brave. And all he wanted to do was hide. To take himself out of the equation.

Omegas were the magic bullet, everyone said, the adorable factor that launched bands to international fame. But Niall couldn't be that. Not for a band that didn't love him the way that he loved them.

He ducked down the hall and found Louis and Harry, sprawled out on a couch that smelled like sex. The show was in an hour. "All right, love?" Harry asked, always amiable with Louis beside him, always willing to shift over on the couch, like now, and let Niall climb on top of him.

But when Niall went to twine his legs with Louis's, Harry growled. Actually growled, the alpha thing, low in his throat and threatening. And Niall was up instantly. Moving across the room. Couldn't help it. Listening to Louis's laugh, the unstoppable giggles he always got when he and Harry were good. "You're such a prat, Haz. Come on back, Nialler, he's just trying to be an alpha so he doesn't have to own up to all the nasty things I do to him when people leave us alone."

"No, it's fine," Niall said, trying to laugh himself, the sound tinny and fake. "I'll - you guys - I'll see you on stage."

"Aw, Niall..."

But Niall left before he had to hear the rest.


	5. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the boys start their tour and Niall remembers that he lives with three alphas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who's commented on this story. It means an awful lot. I'm in my second year of grad school and have a hundred other things I should be doing, but I write this story purely for fun, and in the hopes other people might like it. I'm glad you do.

  
_“I had discovered that there was something more painful than falling in love with someone who hasn't fallen for you; hurting that person-hurting him and not being able to do anything about it.”_

Elizabeth Chandler

.***.

The morning of the first day of tour, Niall was seriously wondering why his bed couldn't swallow him whole.

He normally wasn't the difficult one to get up in the morning. He tried very hard not to be the difficult anything, and except for being a Nazi about food and sleep (really, a 2 am curfew on blaring music was normal, right?) he thought he mostly succeeded. He noticed that he was usually sent with whatever boy was having a bad day when they did interviews, Niall amicably going along with anything, laughing at the smallest joke, nodding along to every story.

But the first day of tour...it was his last day of waking up in his apartment for a while. And he loved this apartment. Of course he missed Ireland and his mates and his cousins, but they stomped through his life often enough to get on with. What Niall liked most was the door that was his to shut, the guitar he could strum while watching football games, flipping through channels to watch a little of everything, the door always there, locked, keeping the world at bay.

(he didn't have a door growing up. he slept in the same room as his parents. and he loved his family, he did, but in a vague, distracted way that he'd thought normal until he saw Louis's fierce protectiveness of his lot, the way every part of Zayn softened when he spoke to his mum.)

Niall hauled himself up after his third alarm. There was still an hour before they had to be on the bus, all five of them packed in again, arguing about whether or not to open the windows (Louis got cold easily). Still, an hour wasn't much time when he had to scour his apartment, making sure he had everything, absolutely everything he wanted and would not be able to buy on the road.

Guitar, obviously, a packet of picks since they constantly went missing, clothes (though those were less important, the boys' clothing interchangeable, Harry stretching out Niall's shirts, Zayn's sweatshirt passed around like a free thing) even candy went into the bag, a good way to bribe the other boys awake, a good thing to have on hand to get to that high before shows. He was rooting around for his phone charger when he found the ripped-up pro and con list.

He could still read it. There were probably things to add to it. Niall stared for a very, very long time at the sentence written at the bottom. _I don't want to die._ It was still the truth. Perhaps there was not much to live for without the band. Just a lifetime of football games on telly and people to kiss. But that was enough, Niall thought. Louis told him all the time that he envied how carefree Niall was, how easy-going, but Niall was just satisfied by small things, found what he liked and tended to keep it. His favorite guitar. His favorite jeans. His favorite people, working with and around him. And if this wasn't the life he wouldn't chosen for himself, it was still his favorite.

Niall found himself re-writing the list. He put _I don't want to die_ on the pro side. It had to count for something.

.***.

Throughout the day he found himself idly adding to the list. Traffic to the cons. The way Zayn smiled when he saw him, a flash, like just the presence of Niall was worth smiling about, big and bold on the pro side. He didn't know what the point of it was - first one to a hundred wins, maybe, or just a way to keep track of everything on their first always-crazy day of tour.

They had hours on the bus, and though usually they tended to do their own thing here, sleep and watch movies or Skype home, the first day they all gathered together and talked.

Or, everyone else talked. Niall listened. He loved how Louis had a story for everything, how when someone mentioned a friend with a broken bone, Louis had a friend with a broken bone, or Louis had also been to Aruba, or he had read something somewhere about that band. They could probably all impersonate him if it came down to it, knew every pet's name, every aunt.

It was almost nice, and suicide was far from Niall's mind, even being an omega was far away, pills safely stashed. Niall even let himself lean against Zayn, who smelled like pot today, and his mother's laundry detergent.

The mood was broken in two words. "Shut _up._ "

Niall flinched to the floor at Liam's alpha command. With Harry sometimes it slipped out, the youngest still getting used to that ability to make people submit. But Liam - he wasn't just an alpha, he was the Alpha, and somewhere deep inside Niall knew that. So Louis laughed in Liam's face and Niall was on his knees on the trembling floor of the bus.

"Liam!" Zayn snapped, one hand going automatically to Niall's shoulder. It was in Niall to submit. It was in alphas to comfort.

For his part Liam looked contrite. Surprised. Apologetic. "Niall - I'm sorry, it just -"

"You thought it'd be a laugh," Louis retorted, voice hard as he pushed Niall back into his seat. "Taking away people's free will."

Louis had a thing about alpha commands. Something had happened, Niall suspected. Something usually happened, when alphas realized that with enough force even a beta would yield to whatever they wanted.

"I didn't mean to," Liam stuttered. "I - Tommo - I didn't know he'd..."

"Niall's a sensitive beta," Harry said quietly. "You know that."

Niall buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry," he whispered. No one was touching him, giving him room to breathe, and Niall felt cold and alone.

"Don't be daft, it's Payno whose sorry. Swear to god if you make him submit again I'll take him away. Swear on my mother's life."

"Louis..."

"It's dangerous," Louis snapped at Niall now, in one of those moods again. Louis wanted to change the world but often couldn't leave he hotel, his speeches saved for his bandmates. "What if he made you -"

"I wouldn't!"

Niall pried open one eye to look at Liam, who looked close to tears, breathing fast. And Niall remembered Ed, promising the same thing. He wouldn't. But he could.

And suddenly Niall couldn't breathe, there wasn't enough air in the bus, and he wanted to get off but they were going down twisting British roads and he needed to get away from them all looking at him. "I'm sorry," Niall said again. He'd apologize forever if it would make a difference. "I need to - "

Liam grabbed his wrist.

Louis looked like he was about to yell again but there was no need, all the hurt inside Niall coming out all at once. "Stop!" Niall wrenched his arm away and Liam put his hands up, like he hadn't done anything wrong. " _Fuck you,_ " Niall hissed, the world narrowed to him and Liam. "Throwing orders around like a fucking - bein alpha don't make you a wit better than me you bleeding -"

He saw the moment his accent got to thick for Liam to understand, and he swore again.

"Niall!" Four voices sounded at once, and if one had been an alpha command that would have been it, the end of omega Niall and his secrets, the end of One Direction Niall, he would have submitted, at ends anyway, would have submitted just to stop his heart from bursting.

But no one commanded him to say. So he stormed into the back room, the only proper room, and somehow remembered to lock the door before collapsing onto the bed. His abs hurt with the force of trying not to cry. He clenched his jaw. The others were at the door, Harry and Zayn crooning, begging to be let in, Louis and Liam arguing in whispers, blaming each other, blaming everyone but Niall.

It was his fault. They didn't know that yet but they would.

Niall fell asleep clenched all over.

.***.

Louis was there when he woke up.

They always tried to be there for each other, betas making up fifty percent of the population yet somehow less than half of the band, so they backed each other up, helped each other call out the alphas. Louis was a beta through and through, sassy and independent and confident, he was who Niall looked to in times of crisis.

Like today. He didn't even have to open an eye to know Louis had somehow gotten on top of him without Niall waking up, his whole body pinning Niall's whole body down. It helped. It helped with panic attacks. With what Louis called "beta attacks."

Louis didn't get them because he was a perfect fucking beta. It took a lot for Louis to submit to alpha commands, to make him itch all over like Niall did now, his body craving connection, reinforcement.

"Do you need punishment?" Louis asked, somehow knowing he was awake.

Every omega part of Niall sang at the word, but that was quelled by a much, much more powerful wave of fear. Punishments had always been fun in the past, not even half-serious, turning into wrestling matches. Now - now he knew he wouldn't be able to hide the omega side of him, the biological quirk that hadn't been evolved out of yet, that needed the reassurance that punishments brought. It would be serious, and he didn't know what that would be like.

"No," Niall mumbled into Louis's shoulder. He gently pushed the boy off and they ended up staring at the ceiling, half of their bodies still touching. "Sorry for making you sit back here with me."

"New Tour Resolution, Nialler, is going to be getting you to stop saying sorry."

Niall put his hands over his face. He was going to cry again, he knew it, and Louis would be sent into the paternal mode he got whenever someone was upset. Liam was Daddy Direction but Louis had been parenting for years and years.

Louis's hand pet his hair. "You were only asleep for fifteen minutes, it's no big deal."

"Thank you."

Louis pet his hair for a little while longer. The bus was rumbling along, and Niall could hear the alpha's voices but was unable to pick out any words. Usually this was one of his favorite parts. He loved being on stage but he liked the busses, too, when everyone he loved was in easy reach, not going anywhere. He propped himself up on his elbow so he was facing Louis, who did the same.

"You don't usually yell at Liam," Louis said, thoughtfully, and Niall wished that other people could see Louis like this. He was all right angles in interviews, sharp as broken glass, but alone he turned into the advice-giver, the best person to go to if you were heartbroken. Maybe that's what Niall was. "Don't get me wrong, he deserved it. But - you'd tell us if something was really wrong?"

"Oh, yeah," Niall said, hollowly.

For a long moment Louis frowned like he didn't really believe him - and, god, they were all loyal men, lying as bad as cheating in their circle, One Direction didn't function if they kept secrets, and here he was keeping a massive one - but in the end Louis smiled, and leaned forward, and Niall was caught in a hug. He hadn't known how desperately he needed one until Louis was there, offering it as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"So," Niall said when they pulled back. "Do you think I could show my face to the mean ol' alphas after that drama?"

Louis didn't bother answering, just led Niall out of the room and pushed him into Liam's lap as Louis climbed into Harry's, stealing his Xbox controller. Liam put his head in the crook of Niall's shoulder. "Sorry," he said. One of the best things about Liam was that he was prone to putting his foot in his mouth but he was also quick to apologize, and apologize like he meant it. "I - I don't like grabbing you like that. I don't know what came over me. I won't do it again."

"I know what came over you, Alpha. Jesus, we all know you can't help it."

"Don't have to like it though, do I?"

Niall had never thought about it before. Liam was the most natural alpha he'd ever met. "You don't like being Alpha?"

Liam sighed, handing his controller to Harry. "We just have to do the best with the hand we've got. Gender's part of that hand."

He sounded suddenly very old, and Niall guessed, "your dad say that a lot?"

Liam grinned. He liked to talk about his parents, his mother who hadn't stopped crying about her lost son since the day he left, his father who was proud and liked to dispense advice. "He does, actually."

Niall grinned and Zayn poked his cheek. "Looks like we got our Sunshine back."

"He never left," Liam said nonsensically, and as much as he may or may not like being alpha, he had he role down pat. He leaned back on the couch and let Niall lean against him, hand absently rubbing Niall's stomach.

"Yeah," Niall echoed impulsively, "I'd never leave you guys."


	6. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall's secret is found out in the worst way.

  
_“Lying is done with words, and also with silence.”_  
Adrienne Rich  
.***.

Maybe he could have made it through the month if he hadn't been betrayed by biology again.

Performing was great. Niall felt comfortable in his own skin on stage, loved the banter and the pranks, the water fights, loved how their crowds seemed to get bigger every night, swelling to fill the arena. He was even getting used to the Meet and Greets, to taking a billion pictures and signing a trillion books/bags/boobs/bras and Zayn is always in reach, smelling of cigarettes, Zayn can always be counted on to get to the end of his rope first, and Niall would go outside under the guise of keeping him company. And they do that for a while and he forgets to be claustrophobic.

The bus afterwards is always crazy. Zayn and Louis high as kites without drugs, smacking each other with pillows, Harry and Niall laughing at everything, Liam torn between keeping everything under control and contributing to the madness as they roll through the night.

Their shows are changing in another way: they're attracting more men. Young male omegas who are the queens of the arenas. Laddy betas who smirk at One Direction at Meet and Greets. Alpha frat bros who arrive in groups and muscle their way to the front row.

They sit on the edge of the stage for "Little Things" and Niall always waves at people and one time waves at a group of alphas. "How are you doing?" he mouths. No one could hear him over the noise anyway.

And the alphas smirk. They smirk like they know what Niall is on the inside, like something about his skin hair eyes gives him away, and Niall has to turn to Louis instead, drawing energy from his energy, watching the beta bounce around the stage like he'd never give it up.

Not that Niall would give it up. It's just that recently, this tour, he thinks that maybe he likes other parts as much as being on stage. Maybe more. He likes being in the huddle right before, all his favorite people with heads close, screams like sirens pulling them forward. He likes sitting at breakfast and watching everyone come in, mussy-haired, scruffy, warm from bed or sweaty from workouts. He likes night, when sometimes they sleep in their bunks and more often there's at least two or three or sometimes all of them squeezing into one hotel room, into the back room of the bus, telling stories, falling asleep, waking up and hearing the murmur of conversation around them, like life had never stopped at all.

And Niall realized, as he put all those things on his Pro list, that what he really liked was being around the boys. His boys. That somehow the past week had made him fall more in love. He didn't even know if it was biology. Every part of them was endearing.

He loved the way Zayn kept a hand on him whenever they walked outside, an anchor. He loved Louis's confidence in front of an audience and he loved Louis's advice, soft Louis, the way at night he talked about his sisters with a smile on his face, his relationship advice, his endless cups of tea. He loved charismatic Harry and vulnerable Harry, the Harry who would get introspective and wonder if anyone would ever really know him. And he loved Liam. Strong, Alpha Liam who made mistakes and knew how to fix them. Who had a hangdog, hound dog look about him any time Zayn was in the room. Who teased Louis and Harry incessantly but also looked at the couple like they'd hung the moon.

They deserved each other, Niall would think whenever these rushes of affection would overtake him. He couldn't think of four people who more deserved to be happy. So he made sure they were in the right places at the right time, drawing Larry inexorably closer, leaving Liam and Zayn in the same room at opportune moments.

He had just left the couples in dressing rooms before a day of interviews and was texting Ed, who was in touch every day now, texting or calling, asking him if he'd told the others but also asking him if he was okay, if he needed anything, and Niall knew how busy the older man was and so answered the questions with a minimum amount of annoyance. Ed had just replied back and he hadn't seen it yet, just felt the vibration as he wandered around his own dressing room listening to the sounds of the couples talking.

He had his phone in his hand when the alpha came in. He was a PA, maybe, or a cameraman. "Hello," Niall said, used to being shepherded places by strangers. "Just give me a mo' if we're starting already."

"No problem," the alpha said, leaning against the doorway. "Had a good morning?"

"It's been great," Niall glanced up at smile, knew how important it was to be polite. Paul always said the best thing they could be called was kind. Not good performers. Not pop stars. Just kind people. "And you?"

"Not every day we get a thousand screaming girls outside," the alpha said, "but I guess that's every day for you."

Niall pocketed his phone, grinned again, and reached for the cup of tea he'd made just for Louis.

" _Don't touch that_."

Niall was on all fours at once. Disoriented, and slipping deep into a gaping pit, a black void that he hadn't realized was right in front of him the whole time. He saw the alpha's shoes and then -

.

There was light above the pit. He hadn't noticed it before. And from way, way up was a voice he knew like he knew the beat of his own heart.

Louis was there when he climbed out. "Hey, babe, hey, no need to rush we're just going to come up very slowly, there's a lad." And then in an entirely different tone, "If you're going to just let him go at least make him sign an NDA."

"Lou-"

"Shh, hey, babe, don't talk if you don't want, we've got all the time in the world." And, again in a different voice, this one almost normal, not like the gentle tone he was using on Niall, "and people say betas are useless. At least I paid attention in gender awareness!"

Someone snorted. Paul, Niall thought, and he opened his eyes.

He was still in the dressing room but now he was bundled in Louis's arms and Paul was bandaging his his hand. Beside him, the alpha, that PA or cameraman, was wide-eyed. He wasn't a big guy. Probably wasn't even that old, beneath the beard.

"Hey, babe, hey, can you tell me what happened?"

"Maybe I should get the alphas," Paul muttered, mostly to himself.

"Yeah, because what we want in this situation is more alphas involved. It was an alpha who did this." Louis shot a murderous look at the PA.

The man went pale. "I thought he was a beta! He smells like a beta!"

"Suppressants," Paul murmured.

Louis groaned and Niall couldn't help it. He whined, distressed. "Shh," Louis said through his teeth. "Paul, take him out of here. NDAs all around." There was footsteps. A door opening and closing. And Louis said, to Niall, apparently, "NDAs at ten in the morning. What is this band coming to?"

"I'm sorry," Niall said. "Thank you. I'm sorry."

"Look," Louis said, and he sounded normal again, not gentle or annoyed or frustrated or mad, just straightforward perfectionist Louis who liked everything to be just so. "The others are already in the interview so we really do have all day. They don't know. But, damnit, Niall, if I'm going to lie to Harry you better have a damn good reason."

Niall whimpered. What the hell did these damn suppressants do, if they didn't take away his omega instincts?

"They just delay the heat," Louis said, and Niall realized he must have spoken out loud. "I mean. Niall. Neal. Babe, you know - you know those are dangerous. My cousin committed suicide!"

"That's exactly what Ed said."

"Ed - Ed fucking Sheeran knew -" Louis visibly looked like he was trying to restrain himself from saying more, fighting to arrange his face into a neutral expression. Niall just blinked up at him. He was still being held but didn't know anymore how to move away. "Okay," Louis said to himself. "Okay. Let's start - let's start here. What did that alpha do to you?"

"Nothing!" Niall said, quickly. "Really, nothing. I think he was trying to get me to not grab the tea, cuz it was hot or something, and it was an alpha command." He looked at his hand, burned and bandaged, and wondered why he didn't feel anything. "But - nothing happened."

"Except you dropped," Louis said, "so not nothing." The older boy seemed to be thinking hard. "Was that the first command ever directed at you? Cuz there was that thing on the bus..."

"Yeah," Niall said, "yeah, it was the first one ever to me."

Again, Louis looked like he was trying really, really hard to restrain himself. "Why -" it came out too loud and Niall flinched and Louis tried again. "Niall, why didn't you get Liam - or anyone - you need your First Command."

The First Command usually came from whatever alpha was around at the time of the heat, whatever alpha the omega trusted, and it was given, or supposed to be given, to every single omega. It was textbook. Just one line: "You do not have to obey commands."

It didn't always work, but it stopped incidents like today, an alpha command when the alpha didn't mean it, a throwaway order. Liam would be the logical choice.

"Okay," Louis said when Niall looked away. "No matter what the outcome of this conversation is you need to get that First Command. It doesn't have to be Liam. It could be your cousin! I swear I'll fly your cousin out here. But, babe, anything could happen to you."

Niall fixed him with a look and Louis suddenly had to fix his hair. Niall knew he could ask Harry what Louis's thing about commands was, but you could get the gist pretty easy. It's not like it's a new story.

"When did you present?" Louis asked, immediately talking over himself, "when did you get on suppressants?" and then talked over himself one more time, frowning, "why didn't you tell us?"

Niall squirmed out of Louis's lap. Dropped his face into his hands. And started to cry.

He cried because he'd never dropped before, and because he hadn't paid attention in gender awareness and Louis so obviously had, and because their resident sass master was being so nice, had sat with him and brought him up. He cried because something much worse could have happened, and had been avoided for him but not for this pretty beta in front of him, and he cried because in all the months he'd known Louis he'd never asked him what happened. He cried because he'd hurt his friend, and because he was so, so tired.

"Okay," Louis said, petting Niall's hair. "It's okay. We have all the time in the world."

Niall didn't have the heart to say that Louis was wrong, so wrong, because when he woke up this morning he'd thought there was twenty days left but as Louis with all his good intentions dumped Niall's suppressants out the window, Niall knew that he was much, much closer to no days left at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall decides to kill himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the support for this little story. This chapter slips into present tense but I'm too tired to care. Hope you like it anyway.

  
_“If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything.”_  
Brian Spellman  
.***.

In the end Niall told Louis everything. The older boy wouldn't let anyone into the room, went out in the hallway and told Harry that Niall was sick, poor lad, and maybe no one else should be exposed, and Lou came back in shaking his head because he could lie to everyone in the world but Harry's big eyes. And yet, after, he'd make Niall another cup of tea and listened.

Niall told Louis about presenting in the hotel surrounded by all of them, about freaking out and running into Ed, about the suppressants, but he also talked about his parents and Ireland, how, you know, it's wrong for men to be omegas.

"What if Harry -" Louis said, all fierce, because for months they thought for sure their youngest would be...

"It's different," Niall said firmly. Because it was. Because Niall knew he was barely squeaking by as it is, had somehow convinced the band and the world that he belonged here, but that could be gone in the blink of an eye.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Louis said, like he'd been saying all day, like the lie was worse than the presentation itself.

But if he didn't understand yet than he couldn't understand, and Niall would just shake his head and talk about kidnappings and Ireland and heats and pups and Ireland.

"But, you had to know -" Louis blew out a long breath. "Even if - if you presented, and the stupid alphas smelled you - I would have helped you. I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"Tommo..." Niall breathed, because it was worse than that, because Niall had never wanted anything more than for the alphas, for Louis, to know him and love him and be with him. But they wouldn't, and he wouldn't ruin the couples for anything, not even for his own happiness.

"You do realize," Louis said, his voice shaking, "that this fixes everything? Zayn and Liam are going to come to a head sooner rather than later if we don't find them an omega. And now we have you."

"They don't want me," Niall bit out, more harshly than he meant. Louis's eyes widened but he stood his ground. Niall let out a wild laugh. "Fucking hell, fuck, Tommo, you think I don't know? You got Hazza and Liam and Zayn'll have each other and it'll just be..."

Louis sat next to him on the carpet, staring at the door that led to the rest of the world. "We can be a pack." Louis hesitated, then put a hand on Niall's knee. "We can - we always joked about it. With the love bites and all. But it's not just a joke. It doesn't have to be."

Niall jerked away and Louis took back his hand, licked his lips like he didn't even know he was doing it. "When you said you went to Ed during your heat, I don't think I've ever been more jealous. Even with Haz."

Usually he could take the teasing, but Niall had to look away now, blinking fast.

"Okay," Louis said, like he'd been saying all day, "we can talk about that later. When you tell the alphas. Because - love, you have to tell them. Now that you don't have any suppressants - and you're not getting more. It's too dangerous! You have to tell them. I can't keep a secret from Harry, Niall, I'm sorry, I can't." Louis must have seen something wild in Niall's eyes because he didn't try to touch him again, just stood still, rubbing his shoulder, looking at the ground, and it occurred to Niall for the first time that Louis was vulnerable too. That perhaps they all were.

But Niall just shook his head mournfully. The only thing worse than not being wanted was having the loves of his life be with him out of pity. And that's what would happen if the alphas found out. They'd worry. They knew he needed an alpha, could go heat-sick without one, driven out of his mind, and he couldn't use a heat clinic and he couldn't use suppressants and so there seemed only one clear option open.

Niall shut his eyes. Opened them. "Can I have a day? We're at a hotel tomorrow. We can stay in, and, and I'll tell them."

Louis's smile was radiant and Niall felt a pang at the thought of missing out on a lifetime of Louis's smiles, but it was better, right, to take himself out of the equation, to die rather than have those smiles turn dutiful and sour?

"I think I can do a day," Louis said, and, like he couldn't help himself, he wrapped Niall into a hug and dropped a kiss in his hair, like everything was okay instead of falling apart.

.

He'd do it by jumping.

Everything else would involve one of the boys finding him and he loved them all too much to make them do that, to make lovely Louis or Zayn or Harry or Liam have Niall's dead body burned into their memories. So no guns or pills or hanging, no cutting his wrists down the middle in the bathtub. He'd simply take a step out into empty space.

Niall turned on his side and watched the other four sleep and felt heartsick at the thought of missing them.

.

At the end of the last day Niall went to the roof.

The lack of suppressants made it easier. He'd have a heat in a day or two, so he couldn't just chicken out. And he'd hugged them all, gotten everyone alone and told them, hoped he told them, how much he loved them. So there was that, and maybe Louis could tell everyone what had happened so that they'd understand. This was better than dragging them down. Better than them seeing him as a stupid needy omega. So he slipped out of the bedroom once everyone had fallen asleep and when to the top of the building.

It was fifteen stories high. Niall had never liked heights, or darkness, and the wind snagged at his shirt and feathered his hair and he looked down, down, down.

The stage had been wonderful tonight, cameras flashing like dying stars, the omega girls he could see, near the front, shiny and happy just looking at them. It was a good way to go out. Someone would find his body and somehow they'd find out by his skin or his insides that he was omega. The thought made Niall go cold all over.

You do realize this fixes everything? Louis had said this morning.

Yes, Niall thought, climbing onto the small ledge and looking down, down, down. This does fix everything.

"Niall!"

He almost slipped as he turned because it was Harry, of course, insomniac Harry who padded around the hotel after dark, who must have padded after him, onto the roof.

"Niall," Harry's face lit up by the lights of this small city. "Hey, babe, hey, can you - Niall, please get down." And then, biting his lip, unsure, so quiet, "are you sleep walking?"

"Go away," Niall's voice thick with tears. "Please, Haz, go back inside." Because he could do many things but suddenly he didn't think he could do this in front of Harry. The band treated Niall like he was their pet, but Niall knew the truth, that Harry had to be protected above all else. "I love you, Harry, please."

"What are you doing?" Harry came closer, like he was going to look off the edge with Niall, like they were looking down from a plane, like this was just something else that they'd experience together. "Niall? Are you okay?"

Niall brought his fists up to rub at his eyes because he was so, so tired, and the wind snagged him again, the waiting arms of the wind calling to him. _Come on, love, jump down. The wind is here. The wind will catch you._

He slipped again and a long-fingered hand wrapped around his wrist. "No! Harry, let me go!"

He pulled, and they fell.

.

"Come on up, love, come on."

"I didn't know what to do! He was so upset - he was really going to jump - and I just - it just came out!"

"It's okay, Harry, you did the right thing."

"It bloody well isn't okay! Is this going to be the rest of our fucking lives, you alphas ordering Niall around?"

"Tommo. He was going to kill himself."

"- second time today he's been in fucking subspace -"

"He's got the Alpha with him. Daddy Direction will get him back up."

"It's no rush, Niall," that soothing voice was back again. The wind? Was the wind calling to him? "We have all the time in the world."

.

They sat up until morning. Niall hadn't taken suppressants for 24 hours and thought he could feel that swelling wetness, like before, the heat coming on. He doesn't know what will happen when it hit. He doesn't know anything anymore.

"I could leave," he suggests, not for the first time. Harry sniffles. He's been crying on and off all night and Niall feels bad about that because the reason he wanted to jump in the first place was to make sure no one would cry over him.

Zayn's eyes aren't entirely dry either, but Louis's been bouncing between guilty and pissed and the furrow between Liam's eyebrows hasn't left for hours. "You're not going to leave," Louis snaps. "You're crazy if you think we're ever going to let you out of our sight again!"

Niall draws his knees up to his chest, buries his face in them. "This wasn't supposed to happen." It's not the first time he's said that either.

"But now that it has," Zayn's trying for calm, because when Niall's out of commission of his usual job of peace maker it's Zayn who steps up. "And, babes, I think we have a lot to talk about, but we have to figure out what to do about this. Because, like, I don't know about you guys, but I've got an idea."

Harry scoots closer. He put a hand on one of Niall's knees. They haven't stopped touching him since he came up from subspace, and he knows its an alpha thing and he's wordlessly grateful for it. "Niall?" the youngest has big eyes when he wants to. "I love you. And - and I can take care of you. Me and Louis, we can take care of you, if you let us."

Niall squeezes his eyes shut. Harry, lovely Harry, defaults to love whenever things get rough, as if love is enough to save them. It's what he brings to the table. He loves indiscriminately and fiercely. And Niall loves him too much to let Harry get caught in the trouble Niall's going to bring.

The lips that brush against his are soft. Harry's obviously done talking, is taking Niall because Harry deserves it, after this devastating night. And what can the Irish boy do? He's loved Harry for as long as he's known him. He sits there and takes it.

Harry breaks off quickly when he realizes Niall isn't kissing him back. He pushes their foreheads together and breathes. He smells like roses tonight. Niall doesn't know if he starts to cry or if he just never stopped.

"We can be a pack," Harry murmurs, like it's just that easy. "You and me and Lou, I know he wants you. It's perfect, Niall, you're perfect for me."

"You never said," Niall starts, "before. When I was a beta. You never said..."

" _No_ ," Liam growls, and Niall's slammed down again.

.

"I swear to fucking god if you alphas can't control yourselves I'll take Niall away. Jesus Christ, you're scaring him to death. No! I'm bringing him up this time. He's still mine."

.

Louis's holding him again when Niall comes up, blinking at the older man who is currently yelling at the door.

"Lou," that was Harry's voice, "you don't get to keep him to yourself. Liam's going crazy out here. He needs to give Niall aftercare."

"Well maybe he'll learn his lesson!"

"He's scratching himself." Somehow Harry's voice was same old Harry, low and slow. "Louis, let us in. Please. Liam's crying."

"Serves him right!" But Louis looks down at Niall and brushes his hair back from his forehead. "Hey sweetheart, nice to see your pretty eyes again."

Niall just blinked at him. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

From the other side of the door he heard a sound he'd never heard before, like a keening moan that broke into a sob. Somehow he knew the sound was coming from Liam. There were other sounds, too, Zayn comforting and Harry pleading. And Niall bites his lip, because this isn't just about him.

Months and months ago they were at the bungalow and they were only just One Direction, and Liam had told them about his life, and the bullying, and the bruises and worse, and they'd all sworn to him that they weren't like that, that he could trust them, that they loved, loved, loved him. That they would never hurt him.

And Niall's broken a lot of promises recently but somehow that's the one that hurts the most. Because Liam is Alpha but mostly because Liam is caring, dorky, protective Liam and Niall can no longer remember a time when he wasn't in love with that boy's crinkly eyes.

"Let them in," Niall says, eyes leaving Louis's and looking at the locked door. If they wee going to kick him out of the band he wanted it to happen all at once, not in stages.

"Niall," Louis begins, and he looks like he has so much to say he doesn't know where to begin.

Niall knows these boys like he knows the beating of his own heart. He knew that all he had to do was frown and tilt his head to the floor and look up between his lashes. Maybe he'd always known he was an omega. He could certainly make even beta's hearts melt. "Please," Niall says. "Let's get this over with."

Louis makes sure he's still touching him even as he stretches, stretches across the room and unlocks the door.


	8. Bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is communication

  
_"It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out?_  
_Ah. But what if it does?"_  
Peter McWilliams  
.***.

Liam's by his side instantly, panting, and they don't often give into their biology but Liam needs to protect, has appointed himself as oldest by everything but age and pulls Niall into his lap. He growls at Louis to get away and Louis, who'll stand up to anyone, cringes and slinks over to Harry, who needs him, anyway, Harry's been in the room three seconds and is already crying.

"I'm sorry," Liam's saying, burying his face into Niall's neck and Niall can't help himself, he reciprocates, Liam smells like the outdoors, like safety and home. "I'm so, so sorry I didn't mean to put you in subspace!"

There's something wet on Niall's shoulder where Liam's touching him and it's blood, Liam was scratching himself. Omegas and even betas had a biological urge to punish themselves when they mouthed off to an alpha, but it worked both ways. If and alpha hurt an omega they'd feel the same tug, to right their mistake or hurt themselves until they did.

"It's not your fault, Leeyum," Zayn drawls, "if he's a new omega he'll go down a lot until his hormones work themselves out. I told you..."

Niall lifts his head and the room is so tense, and he wants nothing more than to apologize over and over, hoping for a good boy before a good bye. But. He was the peacemaker before he was an omega. "Did everyone pay attention in gender awareness but me?"

"Yes," four boys say at once.

"Are you a new omega?" Liam asks, and his tone is a little lighter, a little brighter. "You - you haven't kept this a secret for years? Because..."

"It's only been a week," Niall says before the Alpha can work himself into a state.

"Only," Louis scoffs, "that's long enough. He was on suppressants!"

"Niall!" all the alphas say at once, so disapprovingly that Niall flinches. He doesn't drop but he's close to it.

And Louis's in front of him again. Louis will have to fight his battles for now, because Niall has no idea how to do it for himself. "Maybe you thought I was joking before," Louis says in that dangerous, icy tone, "but if you alphas can't control yourselves, we're leaving. I won't let you order him around just because you suddenly realize you can."

"The hormones..." Zayn begins to say.

"Babe," Harry talks over Zayn, "do you really think we'd hurt him?"

"You don't get to decide what hurts someone," Louis spits, placing himself squarely in front of Niall, as if any bad thing coming had to go through him first.

Zayn holds his hands up. "We're getting off topic. Niall. You should have just told us." He takes a deep breath, eyelashes closing against dusty skin. "I don't know about these losers, but...if you don't have anyone in mind...if you want...I'd be honored to be your alpha."

"I already said I was going to be his alpha!" Harry snaps, and the youngest doesn't blaze often but now he's fired up and possessive. "Louis wants to stay with Niall so, like, I make the most sense."

Niall cringes in Liam's arms and the Alpha gives him a head-on look. "Nialler," Liam asks, in the same way he looks to Niall every time they take a vote, Niall usually the tie breaker between Liam and Louis, who want everything, and Zayn and Harry, who want things just so. "Who do you want?"

The Irish boy tries to muddle through his thoughts, but there's really only one thing he needs to say, has to say. "Um. I thought you were kicking me out of the band."

He closes his eyes as his friends gape and start talking over each other. They quiet instantly when Niall opens his mouth. "I know omegas ruin boy bands, okay? I've liked boy bands a lot longer than any of you and it's always the same. Omegas can help the band get big - but we're already big - and if there's alphas - if there's more than one alpha..."

"It's not like that anymore!" Harry protests. "It's 2012! Things have changed!"

Liam kneels in front of him and Niall knows they're treating him like a child but it too tired to care. "It doesn't matter," Liam says. "Omegas ruin boybands? Fine. If we're ruined it's fine. I don't care. This isn't worth your life, Niall, not even close."

They hadn't talked about Niall's trip to the roof yet and Niall closes his eyes when Harry sucks in a breath.

Liam's still talking, though, not touching him. "The fans love you, Niall. I don't think we'll have to break up. They love you no matter your gender. A lot of them are omegas, too."

He knows that, of course he does, that omegas, despite being 10% of the population, are a full third of their fanbase. Still, don't they like the idea of strong alphas who can protect them? Or at least betas, who can protect themselves?

That's not even the point, though. The fans aren't the point. The band isn't the point. Even his parents and their reaction isn't the point (he's tried not to think about it for days, cringing every time he thinks of his sweet beta parents finding out they had a stinking omega for a son). Niall scrubs a hand over his face and swears to himself that he won't cry. "Liam, it's fine. I'll leave. I know you don't want me."

He pulls out his phone and scrolls to a YouTube video he's watched a lot in the past week, of the five of them at a radio station just after Harry presented.

He presses play and looks away, has watched the video so many times. _"So with three alphas in the band, are you hoping one of your betas presents as omega?" the alpha interviewer asked._ Niall usually didn't pay attention whenever they were asked about gender, turning to Louis who always had a joke ready.

_Which is what Niall On the Screen did, as Liam gamely answered the question like he answered any difficult question for them. "Well, you know," Screen Liam said, "I don't know if this is the best life for an omega. I think we're happy with the band the way it is now."_

_The interviewer and the alphas all nodded sagely. This was also just after a famous American omega had been kidnapped and killed. "So," the interviewer said, hoping for a soundbite, "no omegas for One Direction?"_

_"We're happy how we are," Liam said firmly, and the interviewer moved on to teasing Harry about that beta he was supposedly dating._

Niall doesn't look at anyone after the video stops. Just slips his phone back in his pocket and swipes a hand up his cheek, annoyed. "Anyway. I know -"

"Interviews don't count!" Harry says, heatedly. "Of course we want you, Niall. We don't give a damn that you're an omega."

He tries to look nonchalant as he looks at Liam, whose face is stony. "You care, Li. I mean," he tries to laugh but it's so hollow that he stops, "even now, when Harry says he'll take me on, you said no. I mean, it's fine. I get it."

"You don't get it," Liam says, his voice so low and angry that Niall wants to cringe even though there's no Alpha command in it. "I only said no because Harry sounded like he wanted you all to himself. I mean - I was going to say - Niall, even if the fans don't love you - we do. Isn't that enough?"

The look in Liam's eyes is so deep and warm that Niall has to look away. "Please don't make fun of me," he whispers, and he's cold now even though it's definitely morning. "I know - I know I did wrong, but don't make fun of me," his voice thick with tears and he knows his accent is thick, too. "I'm trying to do the right thing."

Zayn whimpers, and Niall jerks his head to him the omega inside him ringing with the need to comfort the alpha he hurt. "Babes," Zayn says, softly.

Niall swore he wouldn't cry but he doesn't understand why everyone's acting like this. He made a mess - he is a mess - and now he's trying to right the wrong. These four will be great without him. Deserve to be great without him. Harry and Louis were good and golden and Liam and Zayn...well, they'd find another omega, one who was good at this, maybe a nice girl.

Liam's lips are chapped and Niall tries not to jerk away this time as another person he'd been in love with since the beginning kisses him. "I don't want a nice girl."

"Don't make fun of me," Niall pleads, pulling away from Liam. "Don't do this just because you think I'll leave if you don't."

"You need an alpha," Liam says, "I need an omega."

"What a beautiful declaration of love," Louis groans, smiling his usual smile, full and mischievous. "You don''t need that idiot, Niall, come be a pack with me and Haz."

"Fuck off, Tommo," Liam growls but it's a beta's prerogative to smile at an alpha's ire and skip away, which is exactly what Louis does.

Niall watches them both, so stunned by the change of events he can barely breathe. "What if, like, we didn't have to fight over him?" Zayn drawls, looking Niall up and down like he's sizing him up. "What if we were, like, a pack. You know. All of us."

Four heads swivel in Zayn's direction and it's Louis who takes up the train of thought. "We did always joke about it." He slides his eyes towards Liam. "Dunno if the Alpha wants a mouthy beta, though."

"'Course I do," Liam snaps, "I love all of you, you know that." He glances at Harry, who has his arm slung around Louis's waist. "The real question is can our new alpha handle a bigger pack?"

Harry looks like he wants to say yes but locks eyes with Louis and the words die in his mouth. He looks so lost and conflicted and Niall's heart goes out to him. He knows that feeling.

He never used to feel lost. Louis calls him easy-going and his mother always said he was her laid-back boy. But Niall was just secure. He knew himself, knew he was never great at school and felt better with his guitar in his hand than without. He never thought of himself as a particularly deep person, and he tried to make the depths he did have as sunny and pleasant as possible. Now, though, since he presented, he feels like there were whole parts of himself he doesn't understand. He can have pups, if he wants. He craves an alpha. He needs them.

Louis pulls Harry into a hug and Niall can't hear what he's saying because Liam and Zayn are there, on either side of him. "Are you sure, Liam?" Zayn asks, and Niall wonders if the two have ever even properly made out. "A pack's not just all of us and Niall. It's all of us."

"That's the best part," Liam says, and he places a hand on Zayn's cheek.

Niall wonders if he's dreaming. This can't be this easy, Liam's arm secure around his shoulders, Louis and Harry murmuring and edging closer. Could they really have been a pack all along.

A knock at the door has all five of them leaping self-consciously away from each other. And then Louis huffs, and loops an arm through Niall's. "Come in!"

It's Paul, holding out both a phone and a newspaper, and Niall doesn't even need him to say anything. He knew it wasn't this easy.

On the front page of the paper - on perhaps the front page of the internet - is dark blurry but unmistakable picture of Niall about to jump off the roof.


	9. Rape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall goes into heat and the clumsy, new pack helps him.

_I fell in love the same way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. _  
John Green  
.***.__

They're trying to decide who should go deal with this shit when two things happen at once. Niall's phone rings, and this time Liam hears it and finds it slid under the hotel bed, and as he bends down he pops a knot.

"Fuckin hell Liam, what about this night gives you a stiffy?"

And then at the same moment they all smell it. "Wait, what?" Niall asks, and everyone simultaneously wonders just how little he paid attention in gender awareness.

"Nialler," Harry says, hesitantly, "do you know what a heat is?"

Paul's still in the doorway and he softens in a way he hasn't yet. "I'll go try to get damage control started. Say it was a prank, won't happen again." He claps Niall on the shoulder, and then impulsively pulls the Irish boy into a rough hug. "Call me if you need anything. Louis, can you keep me updated?"

"It should be quick, if it's his first one," Zayn says, "A couple hours. But he'll be tired afterwards. Can we postpone the show tomorrow?"

Paul hesitates, then flashes a thumbs up as Liam thrusts the phone into Niall's hands and he picks it up without even looking at the screen. "Niall!" Ed screams on the other end. "Niall, are you there? I saw the Post - it's all over Twitter, man, and they're saying you're dead. Niall? Are you there?"

"I'm here," Niall says, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to bury his face in his phone. "I - um, I'm okay. I told them."

"Thank god," Ed sighs. "And?"

"And?"

"What did they say?" Niall's silence must stretch on for too long because Ed starts to swear, "I'll beat them up myself. Oh, Niall, it'll be okay."

Niall's just blinking so Zayn slips the phone out of his hand. "Ed? Yeah, it's Zayn. We're going to be a pack. Niall's okay. He's going into heat - yeah, he's off the suppressants. No, don't," and then the dark haired boy sighed, thought better of it, "Niall? Do you want Ed to come up here?"

Is it just him or did his new pack get closer? And there's that feeling again, like when he first presented, slick and disgusting on his legs. "Yes, please," he says, not even caring how needy he sounds. Zayn hangs up a moment later.

"I know what a heat is," Niall says, wrapping an arm around his waist. He looks smaller than ever. He's not looking at any of them.

"Okay," Harry says. "So you know we can help you?"

"But we don't have to," Liam says quickly, looking somehow more embarrassed about his know than Niall is about his heat. "You - um, well you'll be sick if you don't have some help through a heat. But it doesn't have to be us."

Liam watches Niall fold in on himself and can't remember ever feeling worse. The whole night seems like a bizarre dream. He was woken up by Harry bursting into his room holding Niall (holding him, bridal style, and Liam had thought in that moment that their Irish friend was so little, and how had they not noticed?) And there'd been a bit of a row before Niall came up, Louis instantly protective and Liam unbelieving, staring unblinking, because how could the beta not tell them? ("Do you not trust us, Tommo?" "No alpha can be trusted with a new omega!) But even as they were yelling they both knew that the plan was to close ranks, that they needed to protect Niall at all costs and that would involve becoming a pack, so even as they argued Liam and Louis were really just sizing each other up. Could they really love each other? Are they in love already?

The heat doesn't have to be with them, and it's silly and old fashioned and totally wrong for Liam to be jealous. He knows that Niall comes from a beta family and this must be hard for him, but he, Liam, came from a very traditional alpha/omega house, and had always hoped that he'd find an omega to be with. But it had to be scary for Niall. There weren't a lot of male omegas in their line of business (in most lines of business) and so he must not know the ropes.

"Really?" Niall frowns, and Liam wonders if Niall realizes he's wrapped his arms around his torso, a protective, defensive posture. "But if it's not you..."

"Are you with Ed?" Louis asks, rubbing the heel of his hand across his eyes. "Is that why -"

"No!" Niall actually laughs. "We're not even that close, he just happened to be in the clinic that first day and, I don't know, I guess he thinks he has to look out for me or something. He hasn't left me alone all week."

Zayn still has Niall's phone and looks at it as if it could give up all its secrets. "At least somebody knew."

Niall shrugs, then winces as something in his body that hadn't hurt before that week gives a twinge. Again he thinks that he's a breeder, that all this is happening because he can have his own children (his children and the pack's children, the band's children, and it's not unheard of for famous friends to form packs once they presented - it had happened to young casts of television shows, to bands that started as teenagers and grew into adults together). He imagines, unbidden, a little boy with Harry's curls and and Niall's eyes, a little girl with Zayn's skin and Niall's crooked teeth, and suddenly it's not so scary.

He breathes in. He thinks of the children. Perhaps the heat is chasing away the deep sadness that had come with the suppressants, the underwhelming press of nothingness that convinced him more than anything that the only way out was down a long drop.

"Niall," Liam's the band's spokesperson and they've always teased him about being Alpha before but now it's so apparent, in his gestures and speech. "Niall, I need you to say you want this. I won't - I can't rape you, but I want to help you and - I know, maybe, I know you never thought of me in that way. But I just want to help."

Niall looks at Harry, poor Harry who found him on the rooftop and got him down, standing with his arms around Louis who looks so torn, the eldest swiveling his head between Niall and Harry. He looks at Zayn, who's vibrating out of his skin, eyes wide. And Liam. Unsure, Alpha Liam. Niall's skin was clammy and his heart was racing and he knew he was close, and he knew they would not be doing this today if not for stupid biology but -

But he can't help but think this might be the best day of his life.

Liam's gotten taller than him, not like Harry's shooting up but it's the Alpha's prerogative, perhaps, to be tall and strong. Niall has to stand just a bit on tip-toe to kiss him.

And what's an alpha to do? Liam pulls Niall towards him, roughly.

"That's not exactly selfless of you, Payno," Louis points out, and Niall cuts his eyes in time to see Louis stare at him, as if to be sure Niall's okay, and then suddenly Louis winked and murmured something to Harry, then to Zayn. "Mind if you have two more alphas, Niall?"

"What about you?" If they were to be a pack then - Niall only knew from tv shows. Packs ended up in all sorts of partnerings but the most important thing was communication, and that everyone was involved and sated. And - truth be told he trusted Louis, and wanted him nearby should everything turn on its head. He held out a hand as Harry and Zayn hovered around him.

Louis shook his head. "I'm not an alpha." He quirked a small smile. "It's gonna hurt - not this! But - your heat's gonna hurt, and you'll need their stupid knots. And, anyway," he cleared his throat, raised his voice so that the alphas who were already running their fingers over Niall heard, "I'm gonna watch. Better to watch from out here. And - if anything's wrong. Anything. I'll stop it."

"Thank you," Niall breathed, hoping all of his gratification could fit into those two words, even though words couldn't express how relieved he was that someone was looking at this whole picture, looking out for him. God knows Niall's not great at looking out for himself.

At the same time Liam pulled his head back, hair flopping into his eyes, and damnit they were all teens, and this was a real shit show for the Alpha. "If anything's wrong, I want to know, too. I don't want to hurt you, Niall. I never want to hurt you."

The other alphas echoed the sentiment and Niall pulled off his shirt. There was a pain, like embers burning beneath his stomach, the white hot burning kind. Stupid sentimental 21st century alphas. All he wanted was every part of them. "You won't hurt me," Niall breathed. And then there were hands hot on his skin and mouths pressing words into his chest-throat-thighs and -

.

Afterwards Louis pulled him onto the unwrecked bed. Liam was across from them, curled up with his eyes open, staring wide. Harry was on the other side of Louis, not touching anyone. Zayn was in the shower. And Niall was still crying.

"I'm sorry," Liam moaned. "I -"

"Shut up," Louis snaps, but there's no real bite to his words, he's just focused on Niall, on the shuddering sudden-omega bundled in his arms, and Liam's soul-searching could wait until later. "Hey babe, you coming up?"

Niall nodded and tried to burrow into Louis's shirt. He was the only one with clothes on. Somehow that was okay.

Louis stroked Niall's back thoughtfully, staring at Liam. They could be a pack, he knew, all four of them drawn together by their love for Niall, and Louis's love for the cheerful Irish boy was infinite. He loved Harry fiercely and had a relationship with Zayn steady as a river, but Liam? They used to have knock-down drag-out fights. They used to snipe at each other all day. Could he love this boy past the brotherly trust that bound them together as band mates? He wasn't sure.

Liam's eyes were wide with worry, and he kept his voice as low and steady as he could for the sake of the still-shaking omega. "Did I rape him?" Liam asked Louis. "Did you let me -"

"Shut up," Louis said, more harshly, because to him it had seemed okay. Good, even. Harry was easy to love, made everything easier, communicating with his languid touches like he was meant to be there all along, generous and vocal and comforting in turns. Liam was solid and stolid as a mountain. Zayn tender as a bruise.

But Niall had cried, almost from the moment they touched him, and after he was plunged into the deepest subspace yet.

He'd said yes to everything, Louis had made sure of that. He said yes and drew them close and he and Harry kissed as the youngest murmured over and over I Love You I Love You I Love You and Louis could have sworn Niall had said it back.

But perhaps the whole situation was rape, despite his best intentions, Louis thought. Niall's choices was either submit to his friends or submit to a stranger. Before they found out, Niall had obviously thought his only choice was to kill himself. He needed Niall like he needed his own hands, his own voice. He needed Niall and the only way to keep him alive and sane was this.

Somewhere in Louis's silence, Liam had started scratching himself, huge gouges to join the scabbed over gouges in his leg. The Alpha thought he'd hurt an omega.

Niall would comfort Liam when he came up, Louis was sure, because he'd been watching and he thought that it had been okay, that the tears were either happy tears or the tears that come with the muddled pain-regret-hope-happy-love-sad feelings of a first time. But betas were made to soothe everyone, to keep the peace, and so Louis started talking.

"It wasn't rape," he said. He scratched Niall's ear and felt Harry slot his head into the nook between his neck and shoulder. "Okay, Liam? It wasn't. I was raped." He didn't meant to say it like that, hanging in the air like some dramatic confession just before the commercial break. It was years ago. Miles away. And he had Harry now, so perhaps it had turned out okay, in the end.

Liam's eyes were wide as saucers and Louis made sure to stare at him, make him understand. "I was in Grease, right? Okay. I was Danny Zuko." He snorted. It had been the greatest day of his life. Had he stayed small town, consumed with football and his sisters, it might have remained the greatest day of his life. And that night. "This guy, he was playing in the band, and he came up to me afterwards. Said I was really good. I was getting changed but, like, I was - what? Maybe seventeen. And he was nice."

It was not a new story. He stroked Niall's hair. "That was rape, okay? He locked the door. He was an alpha. He fucking commanded me. And I didn't even scream, right? I just took it. And I don't even think he could help himself. That's the worst bit. He'd just presented. I was bleeding cuz like he kind of threw me around, so my head was bleeding and my ass...but I was on the ground, right? After. And," he shook his head. Could remember it so clearly. "He just stared at me, like I was nothing. Like, literally worthless. And then he left."

Harry was petting his hair and there was silence. Louis had to look away from Liam's big eyes. "Lou..." the Alpha began, and the one syllable was full of tears.

"Please don't, Payno. Please."

"I'm just -"

"It was a while ago," Louis snapped. "I'm fine, okay? I'm just saying - you didn't rape Niall. I'd never - I wouldn't let you. Ever. I swear to god."

Liam blinked rapidly. Cleared his throat. "Thank you," he said, sincerely. "I don't know what we'd do without you."

And something in Louis broke. Cracked open. He smiled softly at Liam and Liam smiled softly back. So this was love. This was that crushing overwhelming crashing sea of love he'd heard so much about. The perfect love of falling for all of your best friends.

"Louis?"

Everyone moved. Liam was on the floor, kneeling in front of Niall, forehead touching the omega's forehead. Harry slipped away, out of Louis's embrace, and crouched at the edge of the bed, staring. And Louis pet Niall's hair, the fluffy blond strands like floss under his fingers. Pet and pet as Niall turned his face up towards him.

"Niall?" Harry asked. "Are you okay?"

The wet tears on Niall's cheeks had dried into rivers. His eyes were wet. And Louis felt the gaze pierce his heart. Settle in his stomach. And the love that he'd felt crash upon him like an ocean twisted like a knife to the heart. What had they done?

Niall moved gingerly, twisting out of Louis's grip and going past Liam without touching the Alpha. When he stood he almost collapsed, knee buckling, and Liam reached out without thinking to steady him, to prop him up. Niall flinched so hard at his touch he almost fell over.

"Niall?" Harry asked again, his voice higher than usual. He was only a kid, Louis remembered, a kid with limbs to big for him, clumsy as a kitten. They were all just children. "Sweetheart? Are you okay?"

The new omega wavered, tripped towards the door. "I need a shower," he said, his voice hollow, eyes hollow, smile hollow as he looked around, trapped.

"Bathroom's right there, babe," Liam rocked back onto his heels. Hair tufty and mussed from the bed. Louis's heart sank. What the fuck did they know about taking care of people? "I'm sure Zayn would like the company."

Niall flinched again. One of his wrists was bruised, Louis noticed, and the knife twisted again. He bit his lip, eyes on the floor. "Can I please - Alpha, can I go?"

"Of course," Liam said immediately.

And Louis almost wished he hadn't. Wished they could figure this out, talk this out. Because Niall just nodded, glassy-eyed, exhausted, and disappeared out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a happy Valentine's Day chapter. Hope this wasn't too graphic for anyone (including you, little sister). But of course the more hurt there is, the bigger the puppy pile of comfort at the end.


	10. Break Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they become a pack for realsies

_"A year ago we were young, now just look at what we've done. Why do lovers break each other's heart?"_  
Darlene Love  
.***. 

At first they let him leave.

Liam went crazy as soon as the door closed. "He needs aftercare!" The Alpha got off of his knees and maybe it hit all of them at the same time as Zayn slid into the room - that the tan boy was the only one who'd showered and, damn they actually were kind of gross. So Louis played peace maker once again and urged Liam into the bathroom. "Do you want me to come with you?" he called with his most salacious grin and that got the Alpha away from the door, Harry and Louis both politely pretending not to notice that Zayn disappeared back into the shower, too, even though they'd all seen he was clean.

Harry was an alpha, as much as he tried to forget, and Harry was looking at the door longingly. Louis ran a hand through his hair. Usually he wasn't much for communication - that was Harry and Liam. Louis, Zayn, and Niall all liked to pretend for different reasons that they didn't need to talk about anything at all. But today? Today Louis wished they were all in a pile, hashing this shit out.

"Are you okay?" Harry finally asked, ripping his eyes from the door.

"Are you?" Louis shot back. "You're the one who got him off the fucking roof."

"Don't swear," Harry said mildly, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know," he said, "if you tell me that damn rapist's name I'll kill him. I really will."

Louis shrugged. He didn't like to talk about it. He didn't like to think about it. If he'd told Lottie or Stan or anyone they would have demanded his name, too, but it was exceptionally comforting coming from Harry. "Have the sudden need to protect what's yours, alpha?"

"You're not mine," Harry said, harshly. "You're not his, either. You're not anyone's."

"I know that." Louis was taken aback. Harry rarely raised his voice like this. He wasn't meek but he was the mild one of the group.

"I know that, too!" Harry threw his hands up in the air. "But I still want to kill him. I still want to protect you."

Louis bit his lip at that, eyes flashing. He didn't like being protected. He let Liam act like the oldest but he made sure no one ever forgot that he was still the big brother of the band. "That's..." unnecessary, very alpha, over protective, and - "sweet," he said, smiling. He pushed Harry's curls back. Rested his palm against his cheek.

Harry nuzzled into it. And Louis's heart sank. "Do you think," he said, "that we can be a pack, even if I still love you most?"

Harry blinked hard. "I don't know. I hope so." He bit his lip. "It's just, I love them, of course I do. I'd do anything for Niall. I would have jumped off that roof for him," he ignored Louis's intake of breath, "but..."

But it had always been them. Louis knew they were endgame back when Harry was underage and still growing, his doe-eyes just beginning to melt hearts all over the world. They fell in love in an easy, friendly way, over dinner, during rehearsals, curled towards each other like trees growing only for each other's suns. When Harry presented as alpha they had bonded even closer.

Used to be that alphas and betas were thought to be bound to break up, the betas resisting the alpha's over-protectiveness, the alpha needing to smother, but nowadays that superstition were long past. Betas and alphas tended to be one of the most stable relationships. It was two alphas who tended to blow each other up, who would snipe and hurt each other without realizing it. For months Louis thought for sure he'd be an alpha after all, presenting late, that this fairy-tale would be cut off by gender, but then the months ticked past he'd learned to fall in love with his own love. Until yesterday, he'd never dreamed of needing anything but Harry.

"I love Niall," Louis said, firmly. When they were both betas they'd formed a bond, teasing each other often and the alphas more, and since yesterday, since Louis knew the blond was an omega, he'd felt that bond pulled tighter. "And I mean it. If you hurt him I'll take him away. Even from you."

It would be hard, but not harder than not protecting Niall at all. He didn't really think the band's alphas - the pack''s alphas - would hurt Niall, but the thought of standing by left Louis even sicker than the thought of leaving Harry.

"I want to be a pack," Louis said, firmly. "I just - don't want to lose what we have because of it."

Harry pressed a kiss to his cheek, to his lips. "Me neither. Not ever. But I feel like this is something to vote on."

It seemed they voted on everything nowadays. What to eat and what countries to go to and which songs on this album and which lyrics. They even voted on where each other lived ("come on, Z, you know you want to be closer to the rest of us!"). It was mostly informal, done because they all wanted, needed, anyone's approval. They were brothers, they always said in interviews, but it was more than that. They would jump off roofs for each other, jump into heat for each other. And Louis was only now thinking that those thoughts he'd always been thinking might be love.

Liam and Zayn came out of the bathroom. Zayn moved like a sated jungle cat. Liam blushed from his head to his midriff, where the color was only cut off by a towel slung around his waist. "What is this I hear about voting?"

Louis flinched. "Christ, Payno, control that Alpha voice will you? You don't even have Niall to scare."

"I don't want to scare him!" Liam flicked his damp hair, all curls, and flushed deeper. "But - okay. What vote?"

Louis glanced at Harry. This was an alpha thing, he sensed it in his bones. It was alphas who fought over mates. Hardly a week went by, even in the civilized UK, when an alpha wasn't hospitalized or killed by a fellow jealous alpha. (Omegas were killed less often, the law doing what it could to curb an alpha's compulsion, but those same laws subjected unfortunate omegas to a black market world of rape and slavery and forced submission and - even thinking of it made Louis shudder.. it was almost always male omegas who were fished out of those prostitution rings. Louis had known few enough male omegas before, never one that he loved so much he felt like this, twisted in knots and hot over the thought of Niall, too-trusting Niall, collared and caged).

He was thinking of sunny Niall in chains, heart twisting, when Harry submitted.

"Get up!" Liam squawked, more surprised than anyone. "Oh, Harry, don't cry, of course I wouldn't take Louis away from you, babe. Don't cry. Come on up."

He sounded so like Louis had when he comforted Niall as he brought the omega out of subspace. Harry stayed bent over, head lowered, neck exposed as if for a bite, as if he were truly an unruly beta or omega.

"Just bite him, Li," Louis snapped, because the sight of his lovely alpha bent over went straight to his gut and he needed Harry as he usually was, tall and getting taller, charming to the bone.

Liam glanced at Zayn, who shrugged, and Liam knelt, put his fingers on Harry's cheekbones, and bit his neck.

For an alpha to bite another alpha was a sign of dominance. Unless they were pack. In a pack it was something else entirely, playful and loving. Bonding. Alphas bonded with alphas and alphas bonded with omegas and betas were left out of it all. Louis blinked hard.

He sidled over to Zayn. "You're being awfully quiet."

Zayn shrugged, eyes never leaving Liam. "Dunno. I know it's hard and all, and 'course it's bad for Nialler, but I never thought I could have him, you know?" He turned his smokey eyes towards Louis. "Or you. Not that I ever thought of you, 'course, when you're with Harry, but - we're going to be the hottest pack, aren't we?" He bumped his shoulder against Louis's. "'S like a happy ending."

Their faces were close and getting closer. Maybe this is how alphas or omegas feel, waking up the day they present someone entirely new. Louis felt himself born again. And yet - he couldn't help but remember as he leaned into Zayn's shoulder that there was someone missing.

.

They let him leave.

It had been almost too easy for him to slip out from under Louis, slip out the door. And once outside the crazy started coming back like a punch in the gut and his hand shook so much it took him six tries to open his hotel room door. They let him leave. Louis had been raped. Liam thought this was rape. That their entire relationship rested on the act of violence that was love. Niall was in love and they let him leave.

He got the door open and was hugged immediately. "Hey, you."

He hugged Ed back. The ginger looked immaculate and Niall was barely half-dressed, his button up shirt (Liam's button-up shirt) hanging open. In the clean, dry hotel room Niall suddenly realized that he stank.

"Looks like you had fun," Ed said, holding Niall at arm's length. "You ask for those bruises?"

Niall looked down at himself. He was a mess of his boys. Liam's shirt and Harry's boxers and Zayn's bruises on his hips like a name tag. "It's okay. Louis was there." Ed's eyes bore into him and Niall shrank a little. He ached. He had a lot of bruises. And he felt hollow on the inside. Winded. Like some part of him he'd never thought of before - his pancreas or appendix - was suddenly stolen.

"I'm going to take a shower," Niall said.

"Okay," Ed said, easily. "I'm going to play guitar."

Niall looked around his room, which looked suddenly lived in even though he'd barely been in it at all. "How long have you been here?"

"Only four or five hours. You're lucky your heat was short. Probably the three alphas." Ed's smile slid off his face. "Niall, are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine! I'm fine. I wish -" he laughed and he knew it sounded fake - "I wish this wasn't a big deal." He rubbed a hand over his stomach, even though there were no bruises there. They'd used condoms. Harry had a stack in his suitcase. Condoms every time, and yet - there could be the beginning cells of a child in there. If he'd wanted.

Ed kept looking at him, so Niall disappeared into the shower.

The shower was the only place he could think, sometimes, and in the shower as he cleaned places he didn't used to think to clean he thought of the boys he'd just left. And he made a decision.

.

By the time he stepped out of the shower the Alphas were hovering in the doorway watching Louis and Ed circle each other. "Say that one more time," Louis growled. He kept himself in front of the three alphas hovering in the doorway. No matter his gender, Louis was still the oldest, still wanted to protect lovely Zayn and Liam and especially Harry from anyone, even a friendly beta.

"You need to figure your shit out," Ed kept himself in front of the bathroom door, like he was protecting Niall. "You shouldn't jump into a heat with an omega without knowing if you're a pack, but whatever, that's already done. Are you gonna be with Liam, Lou? Because even if you didn't bite him he's already bonding."

"None of your business, Sheeran."

"You're kids!" Ed shouted. "I mean, Jesus, we're all kids, but you cannot mess with an omega's head like this. It's not fair!"

"Niall," Zayn said, his voice like a whisper cutting through the noise. "Babe. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" Niall tried to smile but ended up chewing his lip. Everyone was looking at him and there was just a little towel around his waist. Oops. "I'm - I mean, thank you, for helping me, but I know - It's fine if you don't want to be a pack. It really, really is. I kind of made you all be with me for the heat, but we don't have to..."

Louis hugged him so hard Niall felt like he was in a cocoon, in a womb, and he felt his heartbeat slow.

"Told you he needed aftercare," Niall heard Liam mutter, but he didn't care. He buried himself deeper into Louis.

Alphas worked with betas and omegas. Betas worked with betas. But omegas needed alphas, period. Which was a shame, because Niall didn't trust the pack but he trusted Louis with all his heart.

"First of all," Louis said, steering Niall towards the bed where Harry was somehow already waiting, arms open. "You didn't make us do anything. You can't control your heat, but if the alphas did not want to help you, believe me, they would have said."

Three heads bobbed in unison and Louis smiled softly at Harry. Ed was backing away out the door and Louis felt a pang. He'd always liked the other beta. He'd have to buy him a drink, if Ed stuck around after this. Then he turned his attention back to Niall. "Is there anything we did last night that you didn't like?"

Zayn closed the door behind Ed and leaned against it. Niall had leaned his head on Harry's shoulder. "Um," he said, eloquently. "I just feel..."

They all stared at Niall as he opened his mouth, then closed it. He tried to disappear into Harry again. "I don't know," the omega muttered. "I feel...bad."

"He needs to be punished," Liam said to Zayn.

That made Niall snap his head up. "No!" His eyes wide. He scrambled away from Harry and - it was the best and worst Louis had ever felt - stumbled behind the oldest member of the band, already implicitly trusting Louis to protect him.

Liam scrubbed a hand over his face. "I really, really wish you'd paid attention in gender awareness, Nialler."

"Well, he didn't," Louis snapped. "So explain it to him."

"No," Niall said, and it was the most firm he'd sounded since all this began. "I - it's so weird, Liam. Please, come on, I know I need an alpha, okay, because of the heat, but I don't need to be punished. It's 2012, Christ, not 1912."

Louis blinked at him. He wondered if Niall even realized he was golden right now, had found that switch deep inside every omega that made alphas melt. And there was that inkling again, that if they did this right today they'd be a good pack. That biology wasn't wrong, and Niall was born to be an omega.

"Nialler, it's not weird," Liam began, then paused. "Okay, maybe it's a little weird. But you come from a beta house, right? You haven't seen this in real life. Just the dramatic stuff on tv." He took a deep breath. "I presented when I was fourteen, and my dad started to, like, talk about what an alpha's duty was, and it's not to hurt you, Niall." He took in a deep breath, the thought of hurting Niall making him sick. "You're right, it's weird. Because it's a part of our biology that hasn't evolved."

It rose up between them, all the history. Until recently, too recently, until the mid 20th century, alphas could do no wrong and omegas were sly-stupid-queer Others to be used and discarded. The five of them hadn't been alive, of course, and their parents hadn't been alive, but it had happened. Sixty years ago Niall would have had separate schools and bathrooms and would never, ever have been allowed in a band. A hundred years ago he could have been killed on the street for refusing an alpha. No one would have batted an eye.

Niall shuddered and Harry got up this time, hugged him. "But that's the good thing about having a pack," Harry said. "It's not really any different from the band. We'll keep each other in check."

Niall leaned away from Harry. Bit his lip. "But."

They all looked at him. Louis and Zayn sat on the bed. Liam remained standing. Louis hoped with all his heart the alphas had talked about this. If Liam was going to be Alpha it had to be through consensus. "But what?" Louis asked, reaching up to play with Niall's fluffy hair.

"But...I've already, like, been punished, right?"

The alphas froze. Poor Harry, baby alpha, had his first rut six months ago. He moaned. Louis kept playing with the dyed hair. "What do you mean, honey?"

Louis thought in the silence as Niall chewed his lip. He hoped with all his heart that Niall hadn't thought the sex was punishment, because that would mean a lot of things. That Louis was wrong about this whole thing. That they couldn't be a pack. That they'd raped the one person they'd all sworn to protect.

Niall glanced at Liam, and the poor Alpha folded in half, looked down at his hand where his phone buzzed over and over. "All day today? Yesterday?" He shook his head. "I keep - losing - everything. Time. You guys. When that alpha did - you know, Louis - he did the same thing."

"What alpha?" Zayn's eyes were wild, looking between Niall and Louis. "What alpha? What did he do?"

"Some guy put Niall in subspace. That's how I knew he was an omega."

"Subspace isn't a punishment!" Zayn insisted.

"I know that!" Louis snapped. "But Niall..."

Niall was shaking so badly that Harry pulled the boy onto his lap, petting the omega over and over again. There on the floor the alpha murmured in that low slow voice of his that everything was fine, so fine, that Niall was doing great, that he, Harry, would protect him, and once Niall stopped shaking and just sat there, letting Harry pet him, the youngest member of the band looked up. "Aren't we putting the - you know - that saying, the cart before the horse? Niall hasn't even said he wants to be in a pack yet."

They all turned to Niall, who looked up, his eyes like twin pieces of the sky. They hadn't been outside in two days. He took a deep breath. I do," he said, quietly. "If you'll have me."

"Good." They all looked over at Liam, who was staring at the screen on his phone, his expression stormy, "Because apparently someone already said we're a pack, and it's all over the internet."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck tenses. I've officially given up. Thanks for sticking with me anyway, you guys.

  
_“That casual kiss on my cheek would have meant nothing up until recently, I realized I was in love with him. Not that, 'I love you, man,' type of love. Nope. I was ass over teacup in love with my best friend. The 'let's get married and grow old together' type of love.”_  
Summer Michaels  
.***.

Liam handed Niall his phone and now he was scrolling through it, grotesquely fascinated. It was like it was a year ago and they coming off X-Factor and Louis stumbled across the hate first and showed them all, not in a mean way, just to see if they was curious, and they sat on the floor together and sifted through the hundreds of nice comments to find the one mean one, and they'd show each other, and laugh, because it wasn't them. They were not the people the comments were about. Niall never believed the ones about him being handsome (or, lets face it, cute. He was never the handsome one. He was the smol bean, whatever that meant, that everyone wanted to put into their pockets). But he never believed those so why should he believe the ones that called him fat or a whore or...

There were so many nice comments, he recognized that, about how happy the girls were that they were a pack, that they'd hoped all along that there'd be an omega (ohmygod does that mean we get Lilo now? i don't know what we did to deserve ot5 but thankyou!) But there were the other ones, too. That of course they're a pack because omegas are so manipulative even the sensible one is wrapped around his finger. That omegas are so lazy and so stupid it's a wonder he remembers his lyrics and no wonder that Niall spends all his time in interviews laughing and laughing.

He couldn't stop reading. One after the other. And the rest of the band (pack, he reminds himself. Pack) was arguing over his head and he just scrolled and scrolled as they talked about what PR would say about putting out a statement or doing an interview or maybe just posting something on Instagram - but what? A kiss? Between who?

"We're forgetting again," Harry sighed, sitting back down next to Niall. "We need to talk about this, guys."

It was Niall's turn to ruffle Harry's hair. "I like the not-talking."

"You would." Harry's lips twitch and Niall wonders if he'll ever feel okay just leaning forward and kissing him. Instead he nudges Harry with his knee, and Harry nudges him back, and they wait for Louis and Liam's sexual tension to die down enough to come talk to them.

Harry gently takes the phone from Niall's hands. "Why are you looking at this stuff?"

"This stuff is our life, Harold."

"Well, I want out life to be that one golf game you always beat me at." Harry pressed the home button and scrolled and scrolled until he found the golf game Niall had downloaded to all of their phones weeks ago, because he wanted everyone to play it, because they all knew that Niall was as likely to end up with Zayn's phone, or Liam's, as to end up with his own.

Niall wondered, idly, where his phone actually was. Harry mumbled his way through the first hole. "I think you only like this game for the innuendos."

"Never," Niall said stoutly, taking the phone for his turn. "I just like my blue balls."

Harry snorted, and the other three finally looked up. "What were you even arguing about?" Harry asked as Niall gets a hole in one.

"We weren't arguing."

"To be fair, Liam, I think every time we talk it sounds like an argument."

"Because you're so - you know what, whatever." Liam rubbed his palms against his jeans and stared at Niall, stared at him like the boy'd hung the moon.

Louis glanced at Harry, then smiled at Niall as if he could read his anxiety. And maybe he could. "hey, Haz -"

"Shut up," Harry said sharply, sounding for once every inch the alpha, and Louis ducked his head, "this is important to Liam."

Liam was still looking at Niall. "I mean, I could get down on one knee, if you want me to," Liam said, looking gaze seemed to bore into him. "But - okay -" Liam sucked in a breath. Blinked. And when he opened his eyes they were clear as a desert sky. "Niall. I love you. We all love you. And before we leave this room today I would love to - it would make me happy if -"

He looked so flustered that Niall couldn't help himself, he tugged on Liam's forearm. "Love you too, Li. I've been saying it for ages." Niall drew him into a chaste kiss.

And even though they've already been through a heat, when Niall was insatiable, even though Niall has been touched by every one of them, it's nothing like this, when Harry tugs off one of his rings and offers it to Niall with an open palm, and Louis's smiling so big his face seems liable to break, and Zayn's beaming like he can't believe how lucky he is. Niall can't believe how lucky he is. He never in his wildest dreams thought that his band mates -

His smile faded. "What about One Direction?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "Who cares?"

"I care!" Niall and Liam said at the same time.

"Everyone still loves you!" Louis assures them, exasperated. "Look, okay, this is what I was saying - we'll do an interview, right, with James Corden, you know, most famous omega in England. Cuz he'll have to take a backseat now. We'll do that, and then we go back to the rest of the tour. And it'll be fine. The girls love you, Ni, and I'll never understand it but they love us more. Larry and whatever. It's going to be fine."

"Easy for you to say!" Niall snapped, and he held up his hand. "So. Yeah, I accept, guys. We can be a pack. I - fuck - I've been so in love with you for ages and I just figured you thought I was - you know - an annoying little brother. 'S all I've ever been. So let's try this. If Louis and Liam can stand each other we can all do it." Everyone smiled and Niall let that sink in for a second. It was terrible that the pictures were already out, that his status was already out, that they didn't have time to sit on this and just be in love, but that's the way the cookie crumbled.

"But," he said, "but. Fucking hell, ten minutes ago Liam wanted to fucking beat me."

"No I didn't!" Liam burst out. "Omegas crave physical correction, especially new ones - Niall, I'd never -"

"You'd be in the right!" Niall roared, and he got on his feet, Harry blinking behind him. "Look, okay, if we're going to be together then you'll have to fucking listen to me. I'm sorry I tried to kill myself, okay? I love you boys," he almost cried at that, at the thought that he would have given them up. "But there was a reason. And the reason is that it's fucking 2012 and omegas are beaten to death every goddamned day by their boyfriends and girlfriends and their own bloody mums and -"

Liam started shaking, and Zayn puts an arm around his waist, but Niall was too far gone to care. "And it's not even that, okay? I know it's safer for me to present than some kid in China and Russia and every country that kills omegas on sight. But have you looked at Twitter? Everyone knows Louis's been with Harry since day one and they think it's cute and I -"

The words couldn't get past the lump in his throat anymore. He choked. And the tears were rivers on his cheeks and still he tried to explain. "I don't want to be the reason you all can't be a band anymore. I don't want..."

"Oh, babe. Oh, honey. Come here."

Louis and Harry sandwiched him between them, and Niall couldn't remember ever crying so much in front of the band. Harry and Liam wore their hearts on their sleeves, and Niall's always more apt to get annoyed than upset. That was just how it went.

And they stay like that for a long time. Louis and Niall and Harry hugging. Liam and Zayn hugging. And if there's sniffles? Well, they all pretend not to hear. It's their first fight as a pack. No one wants to screw it up.

Eventually, Louis holds Niall at arm's length. "Nialler, you have to apologize to Liam." He looks over Niall's head. "And Liam, you've got to explain this to Niall."

When Niall turns he spots Liam's arms, the gashes that run up their length, healed and scabbed over, the ones that are brand new. "You've got a lot of those," he says, because he can't bring himself to apologize again.

Liam shrugs. He was Alpha long before today. Back when they were first put on X-Factor, when Niall and Harry were still too young to present, it had been Zayn and Liam who sized each other up, and almost immediately Zayn had ducked his head in submission. Liam had gone through X-Factor before, but more than that, Liam cared, they knew that from the minute they got together in a huddle, when Niall was talking about clothes and Liam was trying to get everyone's phone number. "You alright?" He'd asked Niall. "You're far from home."

Oh, yes. He was far from home.

Liam wiped his face with the collar of his t-shirt. "Did you hurt yourself? Earlier this week? When you were on suppressants?"

"Only a little."

Liam looked like he wanted to ask where, and how bad, but instead he said. "I hurt myself a lot when I first presented. Like, I took up boxing, right? And at the gym sometimes they'd put me against betas or omegas and I just couldn't. I hit a boy once, he was a beta—maybe he's an alpha now, I don't know what happened to him—but he was a beta and I broke his nose cuz he could never keep his fists up and I started throwing myself against a wall. Like, I couldn't even control it."

He rubbed the back of his neck and there were more scars on the other side of his arm. He put it down quickly when he saw them look.

"It's better now," he said, quickly. "But, I think I always saw the crew as my pack. I hurt myself when I mouth off to Sandy, didn't even realize I was doing it. Didn't even know he was an omega. And then I did it again this week. When I hurt you."

"I'm sorry," Niall said. "For making you hurt yourself."

The other three were staring at them. Liam took a deep breath. "You know when you want to hurt yourself? When you feel too big for your skin. Or you're head's too tight. That feeling - I can take it away. That's the point. That's why we have alphas and omegas. I can help you and you can help me."

Niall blinked, arms still across his chest. "So if I feel bad, you hit me? And if you feel bad, you hit me?"

Zayn sighed loudly. Liam was patient, though. "It's not hitting. We'll talk about it, before, during, and after. And if you ever feel like it's not helping we'll stop." Liam glanced at Zayn and Louis and Harry. "That's how I want this pack to be, okay? I know legally an alpha can punish an omega without the omega's consent but..."

"Consent's great," Louis chipped in. "Consent's perfect."

But Liam was looking at the alphas. Harry shrugged. "I don't like the idea of telling someone what to do, anyway."

It was Zayn who bit his lip. "What about omega space?"

"You don't have to put me in omega space," Niall suggested pleadingly. "You really don't."

"But you may need it," Zayn insisted.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Liam waved that away. "Right now, before Ed or someone comes back in, we need to all be on the same page. We're a pack, right?"

"Right." Louis practically screamed the word, but Liam locked eyes with all of them. Everyone, even Niall, smiled at the prospect.

"And we're going to get Niall's consent if we have to punish him, right?"

"Right." Another enthusiastic round.

"And I guess when we announce that Niall's an omega we'll say we're all in a relationship, right?"

"Right." Everyone was looking at each other as they said the word, as if no one wanted to be the dissenting voice. And they all smiled.

Liam bit his lip. He looked around at all of them, the boys he'd met a little over a year ago. They'd had their lives change together. They explored the world together. Got to see the fans and be on stage together. Went through shit together. And somewhere between the lunches and the dinners and the performances and the videos and the interviews and the nights they pushed their mattresses together so they could keep talking long after the lights went out, somewhere between presenting as alphas and betas and omegas, he'd fallen in love with his best friends.

It's what he'd always wanted, and he pulled Niall into a hug. "I love you guys."

And Niall lifted his head and kissed Liam's neck as he and everyone echoed him. "Love you" "Love you, too" "I love you all. So much."


	12. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall calls his mother, and the pack discusses punishments.
> 
> Author's Note: I hate bringing the families into fics. I'm sure Niall's parents are perfectly nice and accepting people but perfection just doesn't work for this story So this is just a friendly reminder that you shouldn't get all your info from fanfictions.

_“But the people who matter are the people you choose instead of the people who are yours by an accident of birth."_  
Martina Boone  
.***.

That night, after they'd all assured Ed that yes, they'd take care of Niall, and of course he could beat their asses if they ever hurt him, and yeah, here's some tickets to the concert in a couple days so you can keep tabs on us. Not tonight. We're not doing that tonight. After that, and after Niall was hugged by every single member of their crew, his new pack learning what jealousy was. And after an evening playing FIFA and stupid apps on their phones, anything to avoid the news where Niall's presentation had caught like wildfire. After that, Louis and Harry whispered together on the bed and Zayn had fallen asleep near their feet, curled into a ball. Niall settled next to Liam, and after some thought and fidgeting he leaned his head against the Alpha's shoulder.

Liam rested his cheek against Niall's head and continued texting. "What's the sisters got to say?" Niall asked, smiling at Liam's phone where he had a group chat going with his siblings.

"They suspected all along. My whole family knew I was about all of you and they just kept warning me not to get attached." Liam glanced at Zayn on the bed and smiled.

Niall tensed and said, too casually. "You wanted to be with me? Before - I mean, before I fucked everything up?"

Liam clicked his phone to sleep but continued to stare down at it. "You didn't fuck anything up, okay? You can't help your gender. And it's not like before. Look at James Corden. Hell, look at that German president - what's her name?" Liam wrapped an arm around Niall's shoulders. "And if anyone has a problem with it, they'll have three alphas to go through."

He paused and Niall picked at the threads on his jeans. His knee ached, and now that he wasn't on suppressants and didn't have to worry about mixing meds, he might actually get up for some ibuprofen. But then again, he could stay here. And alphas are so warm.

Niall heard Liam suck in a breath. "And - sweetheart. Can I call you sweetheart?" Liam let out a little laugh. "This isn't - I don't want you to think you're just a way for me to get to Zayn. Okay? I know we were pretty obvious - not that anything happened. But everyone was telling us to get an omega. And then you're that omega. And I always had all these big feelings for you, okay? You're not some omega, babe. You're Niall. And I'm so happy you've agreed to be mine."

Niall hummed and fiddled with the phone in his hand. Zayn had had it in his pocket and when Niall thought to ask for it after this crazy day he had more missed calls and texts than he cared to count. "Li," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. He was always terrible at taking compliments. "When did you know you'd be Alpha?"

He loved Liam for taking the question seriously. The older boy wiped his palms on his jeans. "I guess I always knew I was a more dominant alpha, but you can't really know those sort of things without seeing what your pack's gonna be like. If Zayn or Harry had been super dommy there probs would've been a fight." He shrugged. "I'm glad it didn't come to that, though."

Niall worried his bottom lip between his teeth. He was pretty sure no one else was listening, and he trusted Liam with these parts of him, these deficiencies. "What if I'm a terrible omega?"

"You won't be," Liam said immediately. "No, hear me out. You're already an amazing omega, okay? You're - Niall, you're so brave. I can't imagine going through what you've been dealing with all week. Letting us take care of you through your heat. But even without that, omegas aren't supposed to be one thing. You can talk back and goof off. You can just be Niall. We can just be what we always were."

The bed above them creaked and there was the unmistakable sound of the youngest alpha taking off his pants.

"I didn't let you punish me, though." Niall said. He knew it sounded like he'd been worrying about this all day, which he had. "And I really kind of don't ever want to be punished, okay? Because - well, just because."

Liam looked at him thoughtfully. "What about that scares you? Cuz - I know I've never been an omega, but from what I heard it's not even supposed to hurt. It's about absolution."

"Someone swallowed a dictionary," Niall teased without thinking. But then he sat there and the movement above them got stronger and more regular. "I think - it's just weird. Like, worse than sex. I think mates can have sex and boyfriends have sex and it's okay, it's normal. But if you're my boyfriend and my bandmate and my alpha and you get to decide when you hit me?" He shook his head. "It just feels unfair."

"A power imbalance." Harry's voice was muffled as if he was in the process of licking something, but the words rang true.

"Exactly," Niall echoed. "A power imbalance."

Liam bit his lip. "The thing is, I think you'd feel better with some sort of guidelines. And - mate, look, I'd feel better with some sort of guidelines." He held up his arm where the scratches crisscrossed, some old ones so deep and thick Niall had to swallow past the thought of suicide. "I think it'd be better if I knew where your lines were."

Niall tried to think through this. "So, we can, like, draw up a list? Like, if I - I dunno - if I mouth off or whatever, that's five smacks, and if I disappear without telling you it's a whip."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Louis sat up and Harry slid off of him, arching his back so he could tug his jeans up his thighs. "We aren't using whips in this pack, guys, that's a red from me and I'm not even a part of it. You can hurt to easy with whips."

"I'm not going to punish you," Liam said, rolling his eyes at Louis. "That's between you and your alpha. It'll be me and Niall."

"And Niall's gonna go along with anything if he thinks it's good for the band, right?" Louis cut his eyes to Niall. "I'm sorry, love, but it's true. You're want to impress Liam so bad you'll let him do stuff you're not ready for because you think it's what an omega's supposed to do. So I'm putting my foot down. No whips."

Liam grumbled as he patted around his bag for a pen and paper. "I would've said red for that, too."

He clicked the pen and Zayn opened his eyes. "We making a pact already?"

A pact was an official declaration of partnership between alpha and omega. It was to protect the omega, mostly, so they have an emergency contact if their alpha goes too hard. But it was also a sign of love and respect, a mutual agreement on hard and soft limits, a contract that promised safe words and contingencies. Liam had never made a pact before and was thrilled, tingling down his spine, at the thought of making one with his best friends.

Liam nodded at Zayn, smiling softly. "Just so Niall knows we're not going to beat him if he breathes wrong."

Niall tried to laugh, his go-to response, but his phone buzzed in his hand. Again. Mum again. He stared at her picture for a long moment before clicking the call to voicemail. It was too much to hope no one noticed.

Louis, still on the bed, said, "Have you spoken to your mum yet, Niall?"

"Not everyone's best friends with their parents," Niall pointed out.

A flush crept up Louis's neck but he continued to stare Niall down. "Everyone's happy about pacts, Ni. Everyone. You're getting engaged. You should tell your mum about it."

But Niall shook his head and switched it over to voicemail. His mum had been calling him all day. She was a lovely woman who hated omegas, and if he said that sentence out loud to his pack they'd say a woman like that couldn't exist, but it was true. In a family of betas, alphas were revered and omegas were always ridiculed. He'd been checking off, in the back of his mind, all the times his mum and dad and extended family casually put down omegas, or made fun of them, or sighed things like "I don't know why they need to pervert the sacrament of marriage by marrying each other. Omegas need to know their place."

That was actually a sentence that had been said to him by his grandfather. And at the time he'd smiled wanly. He didn't take part in the heckling but he didn't condemn it either, and now it was too late.

"Too late for what?" Louis looked genuinely surprised, as if he thought every mother-son relationship was like his own, where he and his mum were best friends and confidants, where she had his back and he had hers.

But it was different in Niall's clan. Maybe because they were betas or Irish or Catholic, but they were just different. Niall was pretty sure he loved his parents but he didn't trust them. "If I tell them I'm an omega..." he began, and then actually thought about it. If he told them he was an omega, in all likely hood he'd be disowned and not welcome back in the part of the world he was most proud of. He tried to explain it to Louis, how omegas were seen by a lot of people as unworthy and stupid and slutty and slow but every one of the pack's face got harder with every word.

His phone rang again. "Pick it up," Louis insisted. "It can't be as bad as all that."

What could he do? Niall pressed the phone to his ear.

"Niall, are you all right?"

Liam motioned for Niall to put in on speaker phone, so he did, and the boys gathered around and leaned in close, like there was a show to do and this was the huddle. "I'm fine, mum, thanks for calling."

There was a long pause and Niall winced as it stretched. "I've been calling all day. There have been some awful things about you on the internet."

"Mmm," Niall hummed, because it was the only sound he could force out.

"People are saying you're an omega, dear, and that you've already had a heat and everything." When she said omega she lowered her voice, like she used to do when she cursed in front of him, like the word was dirty.

Niall cleared his throat and felt four hands touch him, his arms and his back and his shoulder. "Mum, I am an omega."

The pause was so long that Niall sat down. Zayn climbed on the bed behind him and hugged his shoulders close. "You're confused, dear. I knew this would happen if you moved away from home. So many people around all the time. You're just confused. You're a beta, dear. The whole family's betas."

"I'm not confused," Niall snapped. He couldn't help it - now it was either snap in anger for shatter apart. "I went into heat. I went into subspace. I have a pack, mum, and we made a pact."

His mother didn't speak and Niall didn't speak, and Liam took the phone gently from Niall's fingers. "Hello, ma'am, it's nice to speak to you again. I want to let you know that we'll take good care of your son."

"Liam Payne you will not be that boy's Alpha. I forbid it."

Niall snatched the phone back, his face red. "Mum, what does Dad say about this? Did you talk to him?"

His parents hadn't spoken in years, though they'd made an effort to be in the same room together during the X-Factor show and the performances. Of course he loved his mother but it was his dad's opinion that could break him.

"I did speak to him and he thinks it's despicable."

All the air seemed to leave Niall's body. Bobby Horan loved everyone and everyone loved him. He was a kind philosopher who never raised his voice and could drink even the stoutest Irishman under the table. And he was a very laid-back beta. Niall had always hoped, even expected, that Bobby would be on his side.

"Despicable that you jumped right into a heat with your bandmates. What happens if you break up? Or the band goes downhill? Or someone leaves? You're so young. You're so incredibly young. If you come back to Ireland, Niall, we can put you on suppressants. You can be a beta again, like everyone else."

"I'm not going to break the pack," Niall hissed, his head throbbing. "I just wanted to tell you. I want to see where I stand in me own family."

His mother didn't speak. And then she did. "If you're going to ruin your own name you're not ruining this family's. You're not welcome at home. I hope those alphas you have knew your true colors before they got into bed with you. Defective. Disgraceful."

Niall didn't even have the pleasure of hanging up.

"Niall," Harry whispered.

He shook his head. He wasn't even crying. He'd expected this and didn't know why they'd expected anything else. "She's right."

"She's wrong!" His whole pack exclaimed at once.

"She has no right to disown you," Zayn said, eyes like twin embers in his beautiful face.

"She shouldn't say that stuff to you," Harry muttered, pulling Louis close.

"Who's she to tell you you can't go back home! You're of age!" Louis spat.

"And she shouldn't talk to you that way," Liam pointed out. "Ever."

"She's right," Niall said, and swiped a hand across his face. He really, really hoped the wetness in his eyes didn't turn to teats. "I'm defective. I've been an omega for a week and I've already made this pack the talk of the nation." He knew he sounded bitter and he couldn't bring himself to care. "I don't want punishment. I don't want subspace." He laughed but it was all wrong, high and hysterical. "I can't even kneel right. It's what I've been saying. I don't want to embarrass the band. Or you. Never."

Louis was the one to break first, coming up to Niall and hugging him. "Oh, Sunshine. Don't cry."

Because that's exactly what he was doing. The alphas surrounded them, cooing and comforting. Harry was crying himself. Liam just looked stunned. "I'm - Niall, I'm sure your dad doesn't think you're bad at all. He loves you. If we call him -"

But Louis shook his head. "You think he can go through that again? Let's go back to the pact. Let's work ourselves out first."

So they all sat down and Zayn produced a small stack of papers that he'd printed out, a cut-and-paste contract available for free. They'd have to get it notarized and dig up all the proper documentation - visas and birth certificates. But this was the most important - a stack of papers and a closed door.

"So this is basically just some suggestions of what our pack can be. We can be really strict, collars and leashes and - don't worry, I'd hate that, too." For the first time Niall realized that Liam's smile was also watery. "I mean, some alphas don't even let their omegas talk without permission, but what would we do without your pretty voice?"

Louis spoke up. "And - we don't even have to do punishments. It's fucking 2012."

Harry bit his lip and even Liam looked unsure. It was Zayn who spoke up. "We can talk about that. But, Niall, I think you should try punishments. Like, I think you might like it. I hear omegas like it."

Louis tightened his arm around Niall's neck, but the Irish boy just shrugged. "Sure, I guess. Maybe."

"It's not even physical, all the time," Liam jumped in. "Like, most couples and packs grow out of physical correction. I know with my parents usually it's a long lecture, and my mum, you know, she's omega, she ends up lecturing as much as dad." He started ticking off on his fingers. "There's also, like, isolation, what else? Lectures, I already said that..."

"Is this a punishment, then?" Niall asked, foisting a smile on his face. "Cuz this is a hundred percent a lecture."

Liam poked Niall's chest and continued. "Food deprivation, kneeling - maybe not those -"

"I can kneel!" Niall protested. Kneeling was common, even in low-key relationships. An omega kneeling, head on an alpha's thigh, the alpha combing fingers through the omega's hair - he'd seen the position everywhere. Television and talk shows and restaurants. But - "I just can't kneel for very long."

Liam waved his hand. "It's a stupid display of submission and I hate it."

"But, like," Niall groped, "like, if I don't kneel for you, and you don't punish me - it doesn't sound like an alpha-omega relationship at all."

"No," Liam agreed. "It doesn't. Is that okay with you?" The Alpha bit his lip when Niall didn't move. "Cuz I could make some rules - or, like control your bank account - but I never -"

Niall launched himself at the Alpha, laughing. Louis piled on next, and Zayn bumped against them as Harry pulled Niall close. And Niall felt his heart burst at how very lucky and in love he was with these lovely boys.

**Author's Note:**

> This is another story written for my little sister, so if you're looking for graphic sex scenes look again. If you're looking for unnecessary political commentary have I got a story for you.


End file.
